I should drown it all out, stop listening to my f-ed up heart and be rid of all the missing parts. Honestly though, pretty phrases are wasted on me. I just need to chill and be tolerant and zen-like and give people the impression I'm not about to explode any moment -which I really have no more reserves to do so anymore. I just feel so...misconstrued. My words, mannerism, actions, no matter how well-intentioned, are obsolete in the faces of the people around me, or that's how I feel anyways. For all my words, I just can't get my real intentions across. And it's partly my dumb fault, but I took some time to recognise what a pointless endeavor it is to plan your schedules around others.

You have never been in love

Till you see the stars

Reflected in the resevoirs

And you have never been in love

Till you see the dawn rise

You have never been in love
Till you see the sun light drawn
Over smashed human bone.
-Morrissey

Nothing can save us now.

Happiness is not a fish you can catch

I am happy!

...because tomorrow promises to be a day filled with good photo opps. (not camwhoring), roughing out in the wild in 2 different places and good food made by ourselves. For once our (Lt and I) enthusiasm for frivolous and crazy random things have paid off with us convincing Wy and Jo to go camping!

I am happy!

...bcause I've just downloaded Zee Avi's sophomore album and YYY's new album. Honestly, go check ZeeAvi out if you need something to dream to though the possibilty of feeling melancholic or weepy might strike you.

I am happy!

...because Trixia and I finally had our much salivated over escargot for lunch.


... I wonder how long this would last.

I thought, the last time would be the last time.

More Notes From My Application-less Iphone

You know what I like? I like the emptiness left behind by a train in a crowded station. Suddenly the space which had oppressed you moments ago is no longer the same space and I'd walk from one end to the other just because I can.
Yesterday was a 5 hour gambling stint, followed by a 3 hour supper and a 6am cab ride home. Today I was such a moody asshole during my cell's steamboat night with my less than 30 words interaction and deep stoning reveries that I should have stayed at home to sleep and regain human skills.

What eternal sunshine of a spotless mind?

I don't think we are meant to be emptied. We seek fulfilment, contentment and things to fill up in our closets, our homes, our journals, this page. But I find myself having to empty myself of you and everything else that comes along. What a damn toll to take on.

My Future Is Blighted

I refuse to be normal, to cave in to stereotype. I refuse to grow up and make vocal university plans which my parents suddenly seem to have ardent interest in. It's as if once something's out there in the open it's no longer as cryptic and as exciting. Can everything just be put on hold while I catch up to the place I'm supposed to be cause I still want to think life's still open to choices and I've got all the time to make them. But time is relative isn't it, along with everything else. Tim O'brien has got me around my neck with his noose of words.

My OTHER blog is at pickaline.tumblr.com.
I've received so many blanks stares when I tell people about tumblr it stopped being funny.

There's funny and there's greek funny

“When Xerxes had heard of it, he was furious and gave orders that the Hellespont should receive three hundred lashes and that a pair of fetters should be cast into it. Indeed, I have even heard it said that he bade the branders take their irons and brand the Hellespont. It is certain that he commanded those who scourged the water to utter these barbarian and arrogant words: ‘You bitter water, your master lays on you this punishment because you have wronged him without cause, having suffered no evils at his hands. But King Xerxes will cross you, whether you will or not. Well do you deserve that no man honor you with sacrifice, for you are a treacherous and unsavory river.’”

-History of the Persian Wars by Herodotus

(background note: the Hellespont is a body of water.)

Reason for Hiatus

I've lost words I thought was of my own. But then again, hardly any thought in our possession is original in its intention or meaning is there?