Spike said, 'Human beings often display emotion they do not feel. And they often feel emotion they do not display.'

That's a description of me all right. I keep myself locked as a box when it matters, and broken open when it doesn't matter at all.

-The Stone Gods

In a bid to have a last social thingmajig before we all disperse into various office buildings in Singapore, Lt, Alec and I did a little catch-up session. Instead of finding cheer and general happiness in our gossiping, we were made more miserable by each other. Misery does love company. Understanding someone else's saddity isn't as healthy as you think it should be. Good attempt nonetheless. LOL

ps: & thanks to the double Joeys for hanging around at the I.T fair for over 3 hours with me. Never again shall that be attempted.

It being the last night of school, some things changed momentarily, but some things stubbornly remained the same. People exhaust me cause I exhaust myself trying to make others appear better than they are. Or I'm just tired of trying to be less sensitive. It isn't because I don't care, it's because I can't care for things that aren't real in the first place. Things that made me forget my exhaustion; 42 below, Indochine dancefloor and the whole crazy lot of us on it.

...I'll go hug my new cross-stitched cushions from Ikea now. Comfort bought is much easier to get than comfort sought.

This blog has been revived and then shut dead a few times over. School work has robbed me of my words. For the time being, everything just feels slightly sad. I need to get my emotions back in the spot where shiny, fluorescent light shines and feeling okay was good enough.

I won't waste myself on you, I'm not here to stay. Some friends should be thrown away cause its the same either way. I might not get out of this year fully intact, but it'll be alright more or less.

I'm the perfect decoy with no alibi. Some things, even if its structure remains intact, still change. We are now ruled by different rules and different areas of acceptance. Cat power tickets are bought (don't ask how, but lets just say it involved quite a bit of strategic timing) and come January 2010 I'll be broke but I feel so amazing it doesn't really matter. The sight of a heavy downpour made me spring up the school steps today and I wish the rain would stay to rain on everyone else's parade except for mine.

We Are Going. Omg.

Now, who's going to watch Cat Power ($25) with me?!

Japan

There's just too much to say about Japan. The hokkaido milk packed in glass bottles at the station which we had everyday, the bullet train ride to Osaka where I had moments to contemplate about not contemplating, the crazy small shops filled with the best old things, the feeling of not knowing what to expect everytime we stepped into an eatery, the lights and sounds that filled the shopping districts at night, the people-watching at Harajuku, the bakeries that were good enough for any meal of the day, the pornified streets of Shinjuku where both men and women are objectified, the feeling that more things are possible in Japan than anywhere else in the world, the politeness of the people which made us so much more aware of how gruff and curt we can be, the street acts who performed not out of money but purely for their craft, the hair envy we exprienced and basically living breathing the place and air you thought couldn't possibly exist but does. We will have to go back there again, someday, soon, to be bowled over and humbled in the quiet unassuming way that Japan does.

At P.S Cafe, Harding Road.
The company.

The food.

The aunties.

The motley crew of Nothing is Happening, Not at All, I don't know and Me, poured our aunty souls out over a brunch you'd wish you could have everyday, even if it made you fat and broke. I had a short reunion with my favouritest 'spensive cake, Berry Chocolate Cheesecake though now I can only content myself by dreaming of eating it till I find a good enough reason to override the shortcomings (getting fat & broke) of going there. We were there so long, we left permanent buttmarks on the leather seats. Nearly everything was perfect and the day hung still in that glass-enclosed paradise.

Everything I said yesterday about myself was all bullshit. I'm just a self-righteous asshole who's tricking myself into believing things that take actual courage to stand by.

While everyone else is falling over their feet, I'm in this neutral zone where nothing really happens. Who has it better?

Happy 19th Birthday CharlesWunYen, stay the way you are cause I need someone to be ridiculous even when everyone else grows up and get boring. Supper at chompchomp was boomz, and so was my driving, in more ways than one. *winks winks winks lets keep what happened a secret wyjoboyjogirlkahyuenjenson* Its 3am now and Jogirl has crashed on my couch. My dreams shall be different tonight.

Halloween spent at East Coast.

All relationships are the same cause all hearts work the same way. They fall, break and then shatter the same way down.

...on a less philosophical note, I'm now quite tempted to drive and buy myself a bowl of beef noodles- yes I'm such an inspiration.

Whilst putting on a dress on a mannequin,

Wenyan: This the first time I'm dressing a dummy (referring to the mannequin)!
Me: Don't you do that everyday?

This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go, somewhere only we know?
Time has played another trick on us, cause in a mere 4 weeks, everything we known for the past 3 years will come to an end. New begainings are either unusually harsh or it can awake you from the dead state you've unknowingly been in, take it or leave it.