ERADICATE

BURNTOUT


one day this world is going to bomb itself apart.
and that one day is soon.
mother nature can take a break from creating massive tornadoes and tsunamis,LEAVE IT TO THE IRANIANS AND NORTH KOREANS instead.
...what with their so-called peaceful nuclear testings.
really wonder,they claim that those testings mean no harm and all that shit.
but let's face it,what's nuclear best for?
ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION that's what.
man,this world would be in tatters even before i get my own official room the way its progressing.

i think man have a need to destroy stuff.
its like an instinct which is in them.
and boy do they start young.
i remembered when i was a mere lass of 6,filled with purity and love for mypink barbie,my brother a wee lad of 3 destroyed her magnificent blonde hair.next was my beloved tamogochi which he threw onto the floor and promptly broke it in 2.then there was my all my lovely coloured story books which he uninvitingly added his own colours in.mind you,they weren't exactly the right shades either.
point is,man gets satisfaction out of destruction whether they like it or not or whether they feel it from the deep deep cores of their hearts.

in a nutshell,man are sickos with twisted minds (cause they think with their balls) with a fetish for unltimate ERADICATION AND DESTRUCTION!



and i am so a feminists.


this has been a highly BO LIAO entry.

99

conflicted.tainted.shattered.stained.scarred.teared.SAVE ME.



I had plenty of time to myself today.
For 4 quiet calm hours,I was without the company of my friends.
Unconflicted with emotions and thoughts,I began to wonder about myself.
That's right,MYSELF.
Thought about yesterday's sermon,the teachings I've learnt from pastor SL during SMART and the things miss lim discussed during cell yesterday.
I guess those 4 hours was a blessing amidst daily routine of hurrying here and there.

So many a time we go about with our lives,wondering about completely random and pointless stuff such as, 'Hmm,what should I have for lunch today?" or 'Ah crap,I simply HAVE to catch 'Grey's Anatomy' today,but what about the physics homework mrs ng gave us...' and so on and so forth.
Before you know it,an hour has passed with you sitting on your chair with a dazed look on your face and your pen held aloft in your hands.

I saw heaven gates yesterday night after fending off spirits in my room.Unknowingly,a smile slowly beckoned forth on my lips and well,I basically smiled in wonderment and amazement for that few precious moments while I was shown snatches of heaven.It was...unlike what I have experienced before.It was more than a image,it was a revelation and it brought about hope.Its no wonder I woke up pretty cheery today despite needing to wake 40 minutes earlier than usual.

Have an array of events to look forward to this coming 2 weekends.First off,the Take the City walk!Currently trying to persuade my classmates into coming for the walk but the early schedule has them scampering off.Planet Shakers is coming to town and boy,its going to be HAPPENING MAN.ehh..however,just by saying that it has become unhappening.LOL.

Its 99 days to Os.

I wonder what I can achieve in during this 99 days in comparision to the 266 days I have been give.

DANG.

RC 06

hopes are dashed and bitterness pursues.

don't look back.
it might just hurt you.



paid a visit to tekka market in little india yesterday with kahyuen and peiyun.
it was for a lack of better words,A COLOURFUL MAZE.
i found it a little overwhelming and we had no idea where to start.
like the blind leading the blind,we just walked according to er..nothing actually.
before we know it,we were inevitably LOST.
hahas.
after much grousing,cooing at cute kiddies outfits(so cute we were very tempted to buy them however our size does not permits it),getting lost, we finally found our costumes.
realised how much i DID NOT know about indian customs and costumes.
shrugs.

today's the very last time i celebrated racial harmony at CVSS.
nostalgia sets in and the graduating classes got into a picture taking frenzy.
stand in the middle of the courtyard and turn 1 full circle,you'd realise there are groups of people taking photos everywhere.
took with my cell,lites,class of 1f and 1g(03),4h,mafias,4h girls and guys.
from left to right:carmella,me,cherie,miss lim,wenyan and pam.ME AND CHER ^^

ME,SL,KY and PY. <3

today's the very last time i celebrated racial harmony at CVSS.
nostalgia sets in and the graduating classes got into a picture taking frenzy.
stand in the middle of the courtyard and turn 1 full circle,you'd realise there are groups of people taking photos everywhere.
took with my cell,lites,class of 1f and 1g(03),4h,mafias,4h girls and guys.
it was a bittersweet feeling to see all of us having fun in all this photo taking and yet its because we are going to leave each other soon which is why we are doing this.
however,there was little chance for me to sigh over this cause i'd be drag into another photo taking group.
almost felt like my smile was going to drop off my face,plus i felt like was going to melt into a pool of white cloth.
argh.
freaking hot.
had the first SUCESSFUL lites meeting today.
hahas.
we prayed,did thanksgiving and discussed about the upcoming planet shaker's concert.
GOOD JOB JOEY. <3>

physics was time well spent. LOL. mrs ng actually (well sort of) allow us have half an hour free of lesson. bored with taking pictures,me and ky came up with a game! hahas. it was really really lame and because it was so lame,it was fun. we started to attempt looping our bangles through the bunsen burners!! INGENIOUS eh?hahas. soon wanting,sabrina,daniel and suling joined us. we stood in a circle and took turns throwing-competing to see who could throw in the most. but we weren't really taking score la. it was just funny to see our pathetic attempts to actually achieve a decent throw. there were times when i somehow had the SUDDEN ability to throw in all 8 bangles around the bunsen burners. they were awed. too bad i destroyed my own glory when i completely flunk out 2 mins later when my next 8 bangles scattered all over the place. then,eeshan,guanhong,enwei,clarence and hamidah joined us. and for a few minutes,everybody started throwing the bangles like there was no tommorrow. they were so bad,i found that i was not able to get up from the floor when i helped picked the bangles that had landed there BECAUSE OF THE CONSTANT MISSES. hahas. silly aren't we?

after school,the entire class truged to the library,dazed with the heat and the festivites of the day. you could see the relief on our faces when we were greeted by the cool interior of the air-conditioned library. for the first time in the day,i actually felt comfortable. hahas. we did nothing else but,you guessed it-TAKE MORE PHOTOS. We took most of them with mrs yong who was her sweet usual self.

ky,sl and wy came to my house after school,
basically SLACK.
played laptop,read mags,played or attempted to play ps2,and napped.
very relaxed atmosphere.
so relaxed that we almost wipped the entire notion of heading back to school later.
but our OBEDIENT inner selves convinced us to follow up with our plans,cept for ky who got a bad headache from playing too muc ps2.
HAHAS.
not from studying mind you..poor dear.
wenyan,the in house and highly experience nurse dabbed medicated oil on her back,throat,temples and was dared to apply on ky armpits as well by ky herself cause she kept dabbing it everywhere and ky got pissed.
LOL.

ME and KY. 2 very dark indians indeed! LOL

look ma! slim 101 pills do work!

was wenyan lame idea to do those before and after diet shots after marveling at the true size of my costume pants.

ah well..go ahead and laugh at my expense.

god knows we need humour in this world.

well..im exhausted as its 205am in the morning.

to0dles.

insanity

love evades me,
loneliness invites itself in.
jealousy is the blood that runs through my veins,
contentment is the scar crossed out on my wrist.


I've recently preferred to note down my musings in my journal instead of blogging.
Prolly since its like the period of gloomy things and such,my thinking tends to hold much deeper depth.
I ask myself questions such as, WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCKS? or WHY IS SCHOOL A NEED? or WHY I DON'T HAVE MUCH OF A LIFE AT ALL?
those are really deep questions eh?
PLUS my answers actually include very philosphical whining and highly intellectual complaining.
i know i know,my brain amazes me like,every millisecond of the day too.

Racial Harmony coming up.
Somehow I get this feeling it won't be ALL THAT despite this being the last year.

Still kind of UNWELL.
Sighs.
I wonder when will it ever end.
Always seem to last for eternity.

My head is throbbing.
Probably caused I breathed in too much fumes from chemistry practical today.
WAIT,my nose is freakin block!
I CAN'T BREATHE.
Guess I banged my head on the wall way too many times yesterday in frustration when I could not manage to find my nose which has fallen to godknows where.(the plastic surgeon forgot to actually put stitches into it!can you believe it?now i have to resort to tape.DANG)
Now I am really not making sense.
Kind of fun not making sense.
Sick of being logical,being understanding,being fine with anything.
BAH!
Now I know why people can actually become mad.
SENSIBILITY was too much for them.
DEFINATELY CRACKING UP.


sighs.
im off.
hope you all ENJOYED this entry.
i sure have.

not in the best of moods at the moment.
been a grouchy pissed-off blowing trumpet for the last couple of days.
should not have attended smartkids yesterday,cause then i won't miss going to church today.
SIGHS
the one thing i look forward to the whole week and i can't freaking go.
and you'd wonder why life sucks sometimes.
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY.

basically crashed on my bed after smartkids yesterday and even the offer of bak ku teh could not lure me away from my sleep.
only woke up at approx. 1237am in mild shock.
had a bigger shock when i realised that i had not in fact completed my emath tuition homework.
furthermore,my throat was seriously killing me and my nose so blocked even a tiny particle of air would not be able to pass through.not a good feeling to wake up to.
lumbered sleepily to the kitchen and gulped down my medicine.
could not really sleep well after that.
kept waking up,thinking it was time for tuition already.
SIGHS.

very sick of feeling sick.


..he said it was going to be alright.
he was wrong.

49

sinni.mel and one whacked up job.LOL.was
not feeling myself that day. ehehe.

suling and me at the oil refinery clubhouse.LOL.whatever.
the world never make sense anyways.

Its another late night/early morning and my dad is going to positively murder me if he realises I am still wide awake.It is really silent.Aside from the occasional vehicle passing by, punctuating the silence,it is really really silent.So silent,I can actually hear the guy thats lives on top of me farting.So silent,I think my crazy thoughts just overtook my sense.Which is why I keep saying silent.No wonder people becomes barbaric on deserted island.Silence kills.

My mind ain't right today.Must be the rust,wood and acrylic shavings courtesy of dnt which has clogged up my brain.

Was daddy's 49th birthday yesterday.To me he shall always be youthful and my brother and I are always surprised each year when we suddenly realise just how old my dad really is.

We actually almost forgotten it was his birthday.It was only at around 920pm when I dawned on me it was my dad's special day.Grabbing 30 bucks from my mom,me and my brother literally ran all the way to hougang mall and back in about 25 minutes.

It was a really really good workout.NOT.Dad didn't suspect a thing and I guess it was worth it.But now feeling the cramps of my muscles I wished we have just gotten a taxi instead.

signing off.

world cup

zidane did a headbutt in the finals.


of all times.


he had to choose yesterday to do it.


when that happened,I did not know whether to crack up in hysterics or stare at the screen agaped,at the strength of his bald head.


beneath that bald exterior,are layers of muscles whose strength we cannot comprehend.


sighs.

my brain is running wild.


only had an hour's rest.


off to bed then.


france....WHY???!!

rain

SOME FEEL THAT RAIN BRINGS GLOOM AND DARKNESS,A TIME TO SLEEP IN OR BROOD OVER DEPRESSING STUFF.
OTHERS SEE RAIN AS A BEAUTIFUL EXTENSION OF THE WONDERS OF MOTHER NATURE.
I SEE RAIN AS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE,AN ELEMENT WHICH BRINGS PEOPLE CLOSER TOGETHER.
RAIN CAUSED 6 OF MY SISTERS TO PILE INTO MY DAD'S CAR AFTER CHURCH AND WE HAD A CHANCE TO CHAT, JOKE,CAJOLE AND TEASE.IT CAUSED PEOPLE IN COFFESHOPS TO SIT CLOSER TO ONE ANOTHER AS THEY HAVE TO PUSH THEIR TABLES MORE INWARDLY TO AVOID THE RAIN,PEOPLE IN BUSTOPS HUDDLE TOGETHER FOR WARMTH AND TO GET AWAY FORM THE RAIN WHEN THEY WOULD NORMALLY TRY TO STAND AS FAR FROM EACH OTHER AS POSSIBLE. ACTS OF KINDNESS CAN BE SEEN HAPPENING ON THE STREETS.COUPLES CUDDLE UNDER UMBRELLAS AND KIDS HOLD ON TO THEIR GRANDPARENTS INSTEAD OF SKIPPING AWAY ON THEIR OWN.
I REMEMBERED ON ONE SPECIAL OCCASION WHEN AN OLD LADY OFFERED ME TO SHARE HER UMBRELLA WHILE WE WAIT FOR THE TRAFFIC LIGHT TO CHANCE TO GREEN.BEFORE THAT I WAS REALLY FEELING LOW AS THERE HAD BEEN SOME TROUBLING THOUGHTS GOING ON INSIDE OF ME DUE TO CERTAIN EVENTS IN MY LIFE AND I REALLY NEEDED SOMEONE TO ASSURE ME THAT THIS WORLD STILL HAD SOME LOVE.I ASKED GOD TO PROVE ME WRONG THAT THE WORLD WASN'T AS COLD AS I THOUGHT AND HE ANSWERED ME ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.
RAIN BRINGS INNER WARMTH AND BREAKS DOWN HUMAN BARRIERS.IT CREATES LOVE BETWEEN STRANGERS AND WASHES AWAY OUR TEARS.IT INSPIRES TO LET OUT THE INNER CHILD IN US WHILE WE JUMP UNCEROMONIOUSLY INTO DEEP TEMPTING PUDDLES AND DANCE FOOLISHLY ABOUT THE RAIN.IT CAUSES WANTED DISTRESS AS WE WONDER HOW THE HECK ARE WE GOING TO POINT A TO POINT B WITHOUT GETTING DRENCHED?WHY I SAY WANTED?BECAUSE ITS SUCH A SILLY AND YET FUNNY PROCESS BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY TO AVOID GETTING WET,WE STILL DO AND THEN WE WOULD CRACK UP HYSTERICALLY FOR NO APPARENT REASON.HAHAS.


RAIN IS BEAUTIFUL.
THANK GOD CREATED IT.

all those little things

...its always those little things
that tugs at your heartstrings,
that stays stuck in your mind,
..that makes you fall and at the same time cry.

...its always that smile
that extra mile,
that special look reserved for you,
that makes you fall even more.

...and then when you hit rock bottom,
you realised that its that very person who caused your very heart to break-
into a million pieces.

...and no matter how hard you try to gather those pieces back to where they belonged,
there will always be that one piece of your heart that you will never ever find again.



im feeling strangely melancholic.
or maybe im just sad that unrequited love exist.

not that im suffering from that symptom.
get that straight.
i dont do falling in love and all that jazz (actually shit is a more appropriate word but im not allowed to say that ..so)
cause there are enough things in this world that will already cause you hurt.

to0dles.

FRANCE.

I can immediately decipher whether the day is going to be a good or bad day the moment I wake up.
If I wake up fiesty and basically pissed-off,my day is going to be GOOD.
If I wake up feeling actually cheery and talkactive,then my day will be BAD.
It has neither logic nor sense but that's just the way it is.

Today was one of those days when I felt happy when I woke up.
I had reasons to be.
FRANCE BEAT PORTUGAL.
and it was not tyko as so many people like to think.
France earned it okay?? and it was Portugal who made the mistake that allowed France the penalty.
Of course I wished France would have scored in a more beautiful manner but a goal is a goal.
My good cheer worn off when it rained and pe was cancelled.
AND I got snapped at by so and so just for being right.
Errr..???

Started feeling dejected and contemplated about the state about my life.
LOL.
Today was also one of those days which I spent some amount of time,(namely during amath) wallowing in self-pity and loathed all who had a much more interesting life than mine.
SIGH.

caring too much will hurt.

mom nagging at me.
this day is da pits.

buhbye.

oral...gahh.

I have to say, the previous entry was eh,pretty unintentional.
Everything just spilled out--like vomit.
It was typed out in the wee hours of the morning and I guess all my wild and nonsensical thoughts finally caught up with me.
I simply cannot fathom where all the 'rsupposed 'rage' came from.
Tyrannical me..?

Tomorrow is the day of reckoning!
muahahahas.
More like Chinese O level oral.
I will be level headed throughout the day and the panic will arise in me only after I'm in THAT moment.
That's bad.
I'm thinking the worse case scenerio would be that the examiners would start cracking up while my highly incapable brain tries to churn out proper chinese sentences that actually makes some sense.
I am that bad.

Hey,but I got God!
The God of all languages.
hahas.

He healed my little finger today.
I scalded it during chemistry practical.
That is so me.
Up to date,I have sanded away the skin from 3 of my left fingers,had my chest scalded by boiling water and now this.
But it healed after like half an hour.
The pain was pretty bad.It was as if I had a central heating system installed in my lil finger.
hahas.

Dad's bugging me to get some decent rest.
Says I am world-cupping too much.
err?
Must be some form of dad lang.


Pray for me that I would come out of the oral experience alive and that I will not sprout nonsense!

buhbye.

ranted

I have come to the conclusion that human beings hate everything in this world,including our own species.We go around bombing one another,murdering our own spouses,humiliating each other on reality television,spreading around terminal diseases that we simply can't find a cure for (or is it on purpose?).We cheat,slander,gossip,ignore and play mind games with our FRIENDS.We sleep around with everybody else's spouse while squeezing money out of our own.We treat our pets like plastic dolls and destroy whole rainforest faster than you can spell out 'the amazon'.Politicians who are campaigning to be the ones to protect their countries can't even protect themselves from being shot in the chest.OUR LIVES ARE BAD SADISTIC JOKES which nobody laughs at.
You may ask,why am I so bitter when I have God in my life.That's because not all of the world's idiots are opening doors to let God into their lives and they are making me miserable.Its as if all human beings have this pernament mentality that LIFE can never be fair and it will never be cause that will just be too weird and too hard to keep up with.That's just sad cause then everyone will feel less inclined to commit sucide then.
Dad just gave us another one of his 'you must do the right thing' lectures.I once asked him,is doing the right thing always a good thing or the best thing?He said no.I left it at that.I should have further pursued the matter by asking,THEN WHY IS DOING THE RIGHT THING SO IMPORTANT?Perhpas I still don't get it yet as what's left of my naivety in me is still blinding me from the WHOLE sad truth.That by doing the right thing you get to pass your Os,you get to complete your degree without getting a drug overdose first and that you get to keep your 9-5 job which is the only thing that puts food into your ever expanding and ever needing belly.Perhaps that's why now we have to cultivate the 'habit' of doing the FREAKING right thing every SINGLE time!
I am in such a mood because my own father has just told us that we were bloody idiot.Is that a right thing?I don't very well think so,but why should all those high and almighty adults care right?They know WAY more than us and gone through all the MISTAKES there is to make and LOST so much more of their USELESS innocence to give way to MATURITY and bitterness.I don't get why all adults wants us-the younger generation to be resembling well oiled and mechanised machines.Take school for example,adults don't notice this,but in actual fact they are so much lazier than us.They tell us to stand.We stand.But are they happy with that?NO WAY HOSEA.We have to quick as coils of spring and alert as cheetas.When we sing we actually have to sing.Not just murmer the words out.Do they care that its actually more important to mean it in our hearts and than sound like we mean it?What's going to save Singapore?Citizens with true hearts or citizens with the ability to sing loudly but with a heart that has long ago nurture a hatred for its own country?When we greet the adults,we not only have to be heard but to be clear and pitched well as well.And like that's not enough,we are ordered to be QUIET when we walk off to our classes.THEY ARE CUTTING OFF OUR ONLY SAVING GRACE,OUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH FELLOW VICTIMS.Now we aren't supposed to talk as well?Just walk stotically to our goddamn classes without a squeak?Line up in a line so straight that even a ruler would seem curved next to it?Then lift our chairs gracefully and placed them back on the shiny concrete floors that has been swept a trizillion times without a single sound?Greet the teacher with great pitch and emotion?IS THAT WHAT THEY WANT???THEN WHY NOT ORDER A BUNCH OF ROBOTS FROM EBAY AND LET THEM REPLACE US INSTEAD WHILE WE GO BE HUMAN BEINGS AND SWEET 16??Don't they want LIFE??Man are trying to drain life out of one another without even realizing it.I know that adults face alot of bullshit at work as well but that's cause all of them faced bullshit while they were young restless and sweet as well.Then when its their turn to be righteous and shitty adults they do the same thing to the next generation.Its a sick cycle.MAN SO NEED GOD"S HElP and SALVATION.*sighs*
28 JUNE O6.
thursday.
1236am.signing off.

bah.

I am currently feeling the fatigued of having stayed awake for the match between england and portugual despite having need to wake at 8am the next day.
The match was filled with fumbles mostly contributed by england and controversies.
There were so many a time when I thought england was finally finally going to score and then the ball is going to hit the back of the net when some player would either trip gracefully or have a very off kick.
Lampard should not have be licensed to touch the ball yesterday night.
Rooney does deserve to be sent off though.
Ahh,the young and the impulsive.
He has to be taught a lesson and sadly for him the lesson had to be held during a world cup quater finals match.
Beckham cried and I was not surprised.
I would have bawled buckets knowing that you going to leave behind a team which has disappointed its country and you cannot do a single thing about it.
Like unfinished business.
I think I shall stop supporting any other teams.
Whichever teams I support always seems to lose.
GRR.

Service was great great great.
Going to church is like a breath of fresh air and a cleansing of my heart.
thank God.