i find myself to be emboldened with the lack of the sense of myself to myself. when i allow myself to be carried away by what others cannot see nor hear, i allow myself to think my body has been carried along with it and in my consciousness, i no longer exist where my solid state once was at. and when i arrived at such a state, neither the heavy silence nor the lumbering motions which obstructs the light of the library could permeate what i've created. maybe that's why being alone is such a commodity to me. it's easier to vanish when you have no one else beside you holding you down to yourself.

the leaped post.


Yesterday night,after I read the sentence 'God's passionately in love with you and he wants you by his side for enternity', I literally burst out in tears. Not some forced out teary session where I felt sorry for myself but tears which came unanticipated and left me astonished. Tears which showed me so much. How, my heart has been wrenched in the kind of fear God does not approve of, how I've been trying so hard to change myself but haven't change my heart and how, all of these was going nowhere. thank god for that revelation.

you can't take and say what you want to and think nothing would change. everything would have changed.

and yes, i'm feeling better now and am now feeding myself large dosages of the likes of sylvia plath who chose to die by sticking her head in the oven. how's that for a good holiday read eh.

*38.8 degrees*

Doc: So when did your fever start?

Me: ...I didn't even know I was having fever.


totally LAWL man.


Now I can't stop shivering, coughing, tearing and sniffling. BLEAH.

A cell who loves God together, gets sick together.

I feel like bird crap now, bird crap which has landed on elephant crap and then stomped by wrynosirous.

Luckily we couldn't make it for our highly anticipated movie marathon otherwise I have dieded a few times over.

First when I run out of tissues and friends to borrow tissues from.

Next when my mucus leak down my 8 dollar dress and form a puddle of mucus from expo to orchard.

Then finally, due to the overwhelming load of mucus stored up in my nose, my nose would explode with my mucus forming stylo-milo fireworks formation.

Alas, the death of my nose has long been impending and no one, especially me, would be sad to see it go.

Seriously, almost everyone in our cell has gotten sick, all except Wenyan and she has been the saddest one lately. Can't blame her though, not when me and joeygirl are gallivanting about town with no econs to bother about, BUT HEY, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. BOTH OF US FELL SICK ON THE SAME DAY.

so. that's about it. yeah, i hate endings cause i don't know how to deal with them. like right now. lol

tak glam siolzxzzx

I fast one meal and my parents react as if my own apocalypse is approaching. Even my brother who finds me fat and with tree trunks for thighs thinks fasting is stoopid, even for me. GAWD. It's not as if I'm going to die without the chicken rice for the night! sheesh.

(Crap. Now I'm feeling really hungry and thinking of chicken rice.)

Today was FLEA MARKET SHOP ALL YOUR MONEY AWAY DAY!
We had a near scare when we didn't see the sights of numerous laokokok stalls on laukokok planks behind cini but I surprised everyone with how brilliant I was when I was the first one who spotted the market across the road.
Still, a totally bimbotic moment ending off with us hehehehahahaing at ourselves.yaya, we are too stoopid for our own good.
Soooo, I, despite being broke due to prevailing absence of a job, bought 2 tops and 2 dresses and waalaa, $48 gone. Before I knew it, I had to borrow $2 from joey to pay for my zincgirl beergirl meal. (OMIGOSH, I TOTALLY BLANKED OUT ON THE WORD MEAL. Seems like my stomach isn't the only one deprived of a meal now)
But flea market shopping is good theraphy, even better than the usual topshop/F21/fareast affair in which we end up buying nothing. It's like, thailand's cheapcheap al natural foot massage and staring into some exclusive spa centre through their windows. so gotta work on my analogies. lol


mmmbopbopbopbopppmmmmmmbeeebooobopbop bye.

Tonight's chat with joboy and leo was, to sum it up, SERIOUSLY LAWL. (LAWL)

signing off,

holybuttcrap.

lesson #76ib

Why we fall.

If a person never loved, he'd never suffer. But then again, he'd never really live.

scroll to the very bottom of the page for newly posted pictures of zhuhai and the venetian.

ah.
migraine again.
off to bed.

slack slacketty slack. slacking slacker. slackerest slackment of my slacklife. (slap) slack me.

What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?"

- Dan in Real Life

my grandmama's place =D

The place we took the most pictures at

poking fun at her.

goondusamis in skicap

inevitable group picture.

...
I am the next step

Waiting in the wings

I am an animal

Trapped in your hot car

I am all the days

That you choose to ignore

You're all I need

You're all I need

I am in the middle of your picture

Lying in the reeds

All I need - radiohead (in rainbows)

Valentine's day

One of the condo's free amenities- FREE POOL.


What happened during the 10secs we waited for the auto shot to be taken:
5 seconds into waiting : *cass lets out a muffled snigger*
6 seconds into waiting: *trixia lets out another snigger*
7-10 seconds into waiting: *trixia and celest collaspses into giggles while cass muahahas over her power over them*


love is in the air (too cheesy not to miss out typing on)


soon to be birthdaygirl.



Next day - Cafe Del Mar



and no, I wasn't emo-ing, but because it was nicer to sit than stand, dryer to sit than float. ok. whatever. lol


the......5 sexyapes...


warm.dandy.alcoholic.so dark you can't see what you are eating.alluring.the end.

open.exposed.vulnerable.revealing.true.

The absence of His presence struck me so starkly today, in the sweetest bitterest of ways.

Valentine's day was commercialised, sweet and good.

Friday was, good.

Today was, good.



Life is, good.

God is, always good.



good.

MACAU DAY 2 PART A

so much like hongkong





the alley less travelled. LOL


eat

eat

eat

and eat somemore.

but it was effin good egg tarts man.

the way macau is built is rather strange. its as if the new buildings sprout up from the ground, making the building age if you scan if from bottom to top.

traditional toy shop


because the girls were busy shopping.

lanterns stolen from sg chinatown.

teaching my neice how to emo outside giordano.could be worse. at least i wasn't teaching her to spit on old grouchy people. (those aunties can push i tell ya)

natural and not so natural shots.

the not so natural one. LOL

DAY&NIGHT 1 OF MACAU

First CLEAR look of Macau


The street outside our hotel





A lil out of it from the flight


The best view ever

My big aunt and her husband

First group picture of the trip

Hallway of brands

Hallway of brands hotel lobby

Halfway through the water fountain show, I turned around and saw this 2 jokers doing this. Too cold, they said.

Macau was, startling, bewildering and yet wonderful in a way which made me tingle from the inside. It wasn't just the cold, but the whole FWEELING of it. The fweeling of wanting to skip in your boots and giggling at the same time, yet all you could do was huddle against the wind cause it was so cold. The first night was strange, but in a good way.

The erm, older generation shared about their kampong days over dinner and all of us were shocked to learn that aunt cazel (the youngest one in the family) was the one in charge of killing snakes which appeared on their kampong porch and that big ah-yee had to put up with the embarrassment of carrying ducklings in a paper bag on board the bus while they chirped endlessly because it was either that or no duck for new year at all.

Once again, I thank God for technology.