but I will bend the light & pretend that it somehow lingered on

Instagrams. Life as it is, just a few shades different. 

Everyone is a better person than I am. This is why I can't stand people. 

(Coffee date with the girls at Coffee Daily. My hair is pretty long now I guess.)

(Drinking on the bridge before Phuture. The nights of our youth.)

I'm back to watching anime and missing Japan again, suckballs. I killed a lizard in my room the other day. I remembered having to be brave. Girls can be strong, but we can be weak too. 

(random snapshot taken while walking down the streets of Hong Kong at midnight)

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You always made it easy
Then I'd want you more
You always kept it easy
Then I'd want you more
-Conor Oberst's Breezy 


All the things kept hidden, cannot stay hidden. 

More often than not, the world leaves you cold. 

Comforting sounds

July was dark and August was darker. I kept a little more to myself, and went a little berserk inside. A lot of time was spent around my room and the quiet areas around my neighborhood. Now all that has passed and I am feeling hopeful about September. It might be too soon to tell. Who knows when I'll act up again. Still, one should be allowed to hope. 

My first reaction/response for everything now is 'I don't really care'. In essence, I'm a coward. 

When I talk about me, all I get are hard questions and criticism. This is why I don't want to talk about myself anymore. This is why I am shutting down from people. I'm like an auto-bot with the perfect answers but in reality my wires are all tangled up inside. 

This time its for real and there isn't anything I can do about it.

It feels as if I stopped living my life even before it started. I think somewhere along the way I forgot how to and settled for watching others live theirs.

I don't see an end in place

I hate this year. I hate this month. I hate I hate.

"Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own savior, standing on my own two feet."
-Adele

bloodshot eyes every night

Retaining a normal facade is all about containment and suppression.

disintegrate disintegrate disintegrate

A sudden crippling feeling that stems from depths I know not of.

I love the way your heart beats

The first morning :)

It's been rather hectic around here but I'm slowly forming new routines. I took a bike ride round the neighborhood around 6 just now and came back with burning thighs over an hour later. It was uphill, downhill, uphill and downhill again for most part but I saw many interesting things (believe it or not) on the way. Now, if only I could have some blinds installed and stat. I found my neighbor looking down on my room from his third floor balcony the first morning I woke up in my new room. Needless to say it was awkward for the both of us.

It's nothin' nothin' nothin' nothin' at all

From my 7th work trip that I took this year;
Mido Cafe at Yau Ma Tei -The decor and furniture has remained nearly the same since it opened in the 1950s.

Joey came along this time round.

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Playlist For Summer:

1) A Sunday Smile by Beirut

2) Hideaway by Karen O and the kids

3) Raise Your Weapon by Deadmau5

4) Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People

5) The Get Go by The New Young Pony Club

.

Summer!...hasn't been all that kind to me. I've been kind of sad and strong through it all. Most of the time I don't know what to do with my moods so I would either do sit-ups in a rapid manner for as long as I can (which isn't very long) or listen to loud songs on my headphones. Other times I would just flop onto my bed like a dead fish and pretend I don't feel anything. I think I would function better soon in my new room though, with everything clean and shiny. *fingers crossed*

At one point in time, I filled you up with feelings, familiar and obscure.

When it isn't enough

From the time Lt&I ventured to Yuen Long for dimsum;


It was my first time in the New Territories and I wished I had discovered it sooner. It's rather imperceptible but the atmosphere is kind of different. A little more rural which it makes it more real I guess.
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This is frustrating. I wish Singapore inspires me more but it doesn't. Maybe it's just me. Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm flying off to LA and Vegas in July with Trixia.

Damnit, I want to live. So badly. What am I doing now??

Life is simple in the moonlight

Sometimes people ask me questions that makes me think 'Wow, you really don't know me at all.' This fascinates and scares me all at the same time. How obtusely we inflict upon each other feelings of loneliness.

The heat has been out full force for the past week. I'm now afraid to do things in the open for the fear of turning into sludge. I dreamed of things catching fire last night and woke up with a head full of sweat. Such is the pleasure of living on a tropical island near the equator.

So we'll leave how we we met, with nothing the same

Being silly at Suling's 21st;

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We behaved like kids that night while mucking about the chalet. It felt like we were back in school. The night ended with us at Giant (me being rolled about in the trolley) buying snacks and then chilling on the balcony of my new house till 3am.

The heart is a lonely hunter

From the time I spent the afternoon alone at Inokashira Park in Tokyo;

. "His agitation gave way gradually to exhaustion and there was a look about him of deep calm. In his face there came to be a brooding peace that is seen most often in the faces of the very sorrowful or the very wise. But still he wandered through the streets of the town, always silent and alone."

-The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers

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The passage above reminded me of that certain afternoon. Maybe it was how the wane glow from the winter sun washed over the entire park in a soft hue of gold but I felt very much alone then. I knew though, that it was the only way I wanted it to be. Alone, with my camera, knowing no one and going unnoticed for most part. I thought a lot about everything but if you ask me now, I can only remember how I felt and not what I thought.

I'm doing okay. Some things get me angry and some things keep me up at night but I do generally well in the day. Looking for a good full-hearted laugh though. Please stop asking about my studies. I am dealing with it, as I have been since last July. Working and running a business has put some stuff into perspective for me but I guess that's a natural progression for everyone who starts working.

The other day I wrote 2010 instead of 2011 and was stunned at how it was already 2011. How silly of me. I should have gotten used to time playing tricks on us. Scary though, how time can feel so long and short at the same time. =/

Protect me from what I want.

Just a feeling

In a cab on a bridge in Hong Kong (taken with my iphone, unedited);

That's all there ever is.

Cutest photo series ever to appear in this blog;

You say you want to stay by my side, darling your head's not right

Golden hour in Perth;

It's 3am and I'm on my bed listening to the Strokes while waiting for my hair to dry. Somehow, I feel blessed to be able to experience such a moment of normalcy. Life doesn't seem as bleak in this quiet moment. =)

When in Perth. All this typing and to what end? Clicking reblog over at tumblr is easier and requires fewer emotions. Admittedly, I've gotten lazy with words, especially with my own. They have proven to be useless and burdensome, changing everything and nothing at the same time. Maybe it's all this travelling, this coming and going and never really settling. I have flown 3 times since I last blogged and will be flying off again in a week's time. I do more thinking on the plane now. My latest moment of clarity came to me on my flight back on SQ from Hongkong amidst turbulance and general nausea but I shall leave it up in the open skies where they will linger, never to be confronted again.