e search for a bag

Feet aching now.*grumbles*
I am gona so kill my friends.They at LEAST owe me a feet massage.At the very LEAST.
Walked the entire stretch of orchard with wy and elix today not to mention bugis.I am so not train for shopping.We walked to heeren,paragon,wisma atira,pacific plaza,far east plaza and bugis.And we couldn't find a freaking school bag.In wy case,a freaking roxy bag.
Not the the trip wasn't fun or anything...it was..but it was also damn tiring.Oh the sarcrifices I have to make for my friends...I wonder why roxy don't manufacture more bags??I'm sure they will all sell well.And most importantly they can spare good friends like me the agony of my feet ache.If they had,we wouldn't have walked around orchard like idiots searching furtively for a darn roxy bag.To add salt to the wounds,elix told me online later than perhaps she and wy would be buying a op bag they saw at COMPASS POINT............!!!!So much for orchard.Remind me to kill those two personally.jk.....
But its really stupid come to think of it.We 3 go all the way to orchard only to come back empty handed..(well actually we bought some other stuff too..got kinda distracted..hehes...)and then go to compass point and WALA~maybe they are going to buy an op bag.-.-"
oh well...all this just proves to show how good a friend I am...muahahhas...LOLs.
anyways.....lets pray for all those victims of the tsunamis..........
till then
me

cry

I feel like crying.
For the kids in africa whom I saw the other day in discovary channel for death to them is as normal as watching tv for us.
For the victims of the earthquake,floods and tidal waves and their family for their new found grief.
For my brother who was so angry at my dad he had sucidal thoughts.
And finally for myself.....
cause I can do nothing for all of these people.
All I can do is sit at the sidelines and price the pricing tags on my mom's clothes.I spent the entire of today doing just that.
This is one of those times when I wonder what the hell am I doing here on earth.They say everyone has a reason for living.What's mine?
Pricing my mom's clothes?Try everyday to convince my brother that digging his nose with all ten fingers is a disgusting habbit?Soothe out the rough edges of my parents relationship?Or...Hmm....go to school and study shit?
I wish I could be a doctor.So that I can fly over to africa and put things right for those kids.Sadly,I am just not the doctor material-in other words,I am no genius.So what can I be of use to those children if I go over there.What qualities do I have????Nada.Zilch.Nothing.
My self confidence and ego is at a all down low now.From what I have gathered today is
-My math result is a desperate case.
-My mom calls her own daughter fat(nothing new here)
-Sometimes you don't really have much of a choice.
-And your own destiny doesn't entirely lay in your hands.
Today hasn't really been all that great for me as you can see.
Sometimes I am angry at myself for all these self pity crap that I have for myself.Look at all those starving innocent kids in africa.They worry about whether they will be able to eat tommorow...whether they will get to see the sunrise the next day.While I....I worry whether I will be able to lose enough weight so that people can finally shut up...I worry about missing the next episode of the o.c.
Gawd...I am so selfish.Compared to those kids...I have everything......but yet....yet...I am still not happy.Why???
till then
me

'Merry' Christmas

Its Christmas day.While most kids round the world are busy UNWRAPPING their new presents me and my brother was busy WRAPPING our new school textbooks.Oh the woes of me life...*weeps*...
People who worked with me when I was a librarian in chij should know my SKILL for wrapping books.And how much I LIKED doing it.If not for my dad,I think my books would turn would out as if someone has pasted rough pieces of plastic all over it.
Had christmas eve dinner yesterday night with sophia and cynthia's family.We went to a seafood resturant.How CHRISMASY eh.NOT.Esp when your parents are constantly shoving raw smelly diarrhoea-causing seafood at you.Luckily I had sophia to talk to to divert my attention from my raw dinner.I think ate more crab than I ever had in my entire life.EEk.
Rushed to gd ol' Mac after dinner which was just next door and finally had some normal food.Hot fudge chocalate never tasted so good before.
Came back with them and watched the rerun of home alone AGAIN.I wonder which movie will replace it in the future.
till then
me

band concert

HeeS...
Attended my school military band concert yesterday with a couple of my galfriends yesterday at victoria concert hall.We walked through citylink mall to suntec to esplanade and finally to victoria concert hall accompained with py constant horrid off tune versions of christmas carols.Lols.You can't imagine the horror the embarrasement we went through.Im just kidding.But py really did 'sing'.I finally bought 'Collision Course'!!!!!!So sync.It kind of accompanied me through the later part of our perilious trek to victoria.It also annoyed my friends too..haha..for they had to repeat everything to me if they talked to me.
The concert was quite ok.There were a few funny moments during the christmas all round song.There was also this grp of annoying? or should I say damn supportive friends who shouted 'XIAO LAO HU WO MEN AI NI!!!!'.DotssSssssssSs.lols.Met kah yuen and jia yun during the interval.Pass by kai ting.Interval was pretty quick though.Hais....
Concert end around 10 cause alot of us requested for encore.Hehe.We went to compass point 7-11 after much consideration.But I only hung out there for a few minutes before my dad called to say he had arrive.
It was a pretty tiring and harrowing experience for me ...haha..no la..quite enjoyable at times I guess.
well
till then
me!~

deja vu?

Since of late I had moments of deja vu lately.I not even sure if deja vu is the correct term to use for it.It seems to me that I am able to predict the unknown future through my dreams.This is how it usually goes...
I dream of something.A action.A word.Anything.The very next day,somehow the word or action will pop up.A weird example for you;In my dream,I dreamt of someone vaguely asking me how to spell the word 'cranberries'.The next day I went to the supermarket with my brother and he for the first time in his life,pick up a bottle of cranberries juice for no reason at all.I know you might be thinking ...its probably just coincidence and nothing much of a big deal.But honestly this just keeps happening.Though not very significant it still happens.Maybe I can predict the future!~haha.
On to more realistic stuff...
I spent the entire afternoon covered in dust while cleaning out my book shelves.After that I just laid on my bed thinking of a jumble of things.Like how busy I would be next year.I should appreciate the free time I have now.But I can't.Cause I have been living this way for so long I just have forgotten the thrill and prospect of not having any more responsibilites on my hands such as studying for a test and completing a project and such.So basically I laid there for around half an hour or so...trying to capture the moment of almost full freedom.Nothing on my to-do list...nothing.Kinda good I guess.Just resting there..not thinking much.I think moments like this would be hard to come by next year.
Well this has been a sorta ridiculous?? entry
I don't care la
my blog
my writings
:p

departure

My maid left home today with 2 year's worth of memories and 38kg of luggage.After practically 1 month of heavy slacking I was definately not fit to lug a 11kg bag all over world trade centre but thats what I did anyways.We arrived there clueless to where the ticketing booth could be. But I spotted the sign 'Cruise Centre' and since that was the only thing remotely close to 'boats' I followed it.We soon found it and was served by a lady who looked as if there was shit under her nose.She was frowning the whole time and when I asked her where is the baggage check in area she told me vaguely that it was over at the next building.Seeing that I haven't been to world trade since I was like what? 8 ?I innocently asked her how to get to the next building.Her face looked even more irritatable and she said 'You go OVER to the NEXT building'.She waved her hand towards the left and used a tone when you are talking to a moronic idiot.I know its the fucking next building but how to get there la??I couldn't stand her anymore and left hastily.
The 3 of us went up and down the building for around 4 times before 2 uncles showed us the way to the next building.Finally!!At the baggage check in we realised that my maid has overloaded her luggage.No surprise there.She had to pay a extra $4.20 for the big one and hand held the other one by herself.After asking more than 4 people we finally found the immigration hall.She left looking a little bewildered at the speed of things.Well couldn't help rushing what..esp when your boat's gona leave in abut 10 mins!!
My grand ma and I took a cab home and in the cabby driver's seat sat one of the most arrogant man I met.We told him our destination and he rambled on and on about the route he would take.As if wanting us to know how 'knowed' he is about singapore roads.I was like 'whatever la..you bring us there can le'.Soon his phone rang and had one of the loudest and bhb conversation I heard.He said and I quote;'As a LAW ABIDING CITIZEN I would never think of doing that.The trainer at the TAXI ACADEMY told us we are not allow to do that cause of other INCONSIDERATE drivers who would park there...' and so on and forth.You get the idea bahs.I never heard anyone used the words 'law-abiding' so seriously before.And I swear there was once he looked over the rear view mirror and smirked at me!Grrrrr....major eye rolling was going on inside my head.Another thing that ticked me off was that whenever he turned or cut in he would raise his left hand up.As if other drivers would be able to see that.My grandma turn around to see whats happening everytime he does that and he even laughed!!!!!Kao pei la.
All in all the trip wasn't all that great.
oh well.hais.
till then
me

disappear

Changed my blogskin.Couldn't stand the 'bright' purple anymore in my old skin despite how much I like purple guess I was just not feeling it.Currently listening to hoobastank's 'disappear' and yellowcard's 'only one'.you guys should go check those out..but seeing that most of you aren't of the english music scene..oh well at least I gave it a try.*shrugs*
Stayed up till 5am in the morning yesterday or should I say today...reading meg cabot's latest novel..entitled 'Every guy got one', made me laugh out a few times..enjoyable book,even in the dark..haha[inside joke]
Went to bugis with my family yesterday.Seems to be showing up in public more and more often with them.Not good cassandra..not good at all..*checks social calendar to see what went wrong*
Went to eat at fish and co.Huge mistake.First there was like only 1 other table occupied aside from us ..so...the staff was practically eyeing us the whole time we ate.
So ya..maybe they are interesting to see how I handled my freaking fish that was literally hanging out of my plate.As if.Second the serving was huge...thus wasting food and making me feel guilty about those kids in africa.Third,they lied.Their fish and chips definately weren't the best in town.I can vouch for that.Oh well...my mom's choice and she paid for it.
Mom went to pray at the temple while I made my way to kino.Came out an hour later with two books.Whee..
well.
till then
me

pissed as usual

I'm super piss right now,
just like always.
Generally,I'm pissed at guys
freaking sorry excuse for living guys..
is it so hard to find a sweet sensitive normal guy?
guess not.
I am angry
But I can't show it for it will only invite conflict right?
I wish I could have retaliate,
but thats so not me.
My hol diet has been a downright flop.
I even tried envisioning all food as lumps of fats
doesn't work.
I am sick of people commenting about my weight,
and sick of trying to brush it off as if its nothing
coz its not.
But i guess I just love food to much.
is that such a sin?
People...just fucking diam la...
I am so sick of everyone's comments about me...
so tired of trying to supress my anger
So just shut up!
I'm losing my mind...

Hey...
well I have just read through my blog and realised that I haven't exactly been updating you on my life ....not that there is anything interesting to know ..aside from the fact that I went to orchard for almost 4 days in a row and I had an so called accurate premonition.
The orchard fiasca begin on Sunday.My family and I went there after dinner to admire the x'mas decorations.Then on Monday my mom brought me and my bro to orchard again for a high tea treat but we ended up in swenson.Walked to taka,wisma,shaw house and pacific plaza.Finally found a roxy shop in pacific plaza.My dad came from work and he brought us to borders.On tuesday I went to orchard AGAIN with kah yuen and we went to cineleisure to watch 'without a paddle'.Real funny movie.Then we walk to taka and bought some presents for our friends.On Wednesday I stayed at home since I had *glooms* math tuition.Then on thursday....believe it or not..I went back to orchard.Again to cineleisure with charmain and hui min and again to watch 'without a paddle'.Actually I found it funnier the second time.haha.We walked to take and I find out from hui min there is actually a library in taka!!!!I couldn't believe it.We hung around there for about 2 hrs and we went to watch the movie.On friday I didn't go to orchard la..haha...won't have if you ask me.Went back to school today to clear my locker and buy band concert tics.Back here typing crap away...hais...just 2 more weeks..and the the hols would be over.You do realise that we won't have another really proper break till end of Os do you?*sighs*
till then
me

My 'story'

'Yes mom....I will be fine..everything will be fine'I rolled my eyes in exasperation.In my heart I was actually crying out to her..."I won't be fine..don't leave me here...I can't take it anymore"But of course my mom just zoomed away talking to a cilent on her phone..away to her world of making deals..meeting cilents..making datelines.Basically business.I miserably made my way up to the school entrance.Another day... another miserable fucking day filled with bullying, chaos and taunting.How i wish my words had rang true..things being fine and all.When I was younger and of course much more naive I had envision high school along the lines of making life-long friends,flirting with guys,free periods,bad cafeteria food,partying,rallies,attending cheesy dances and of course finally graduation .Not being teased as the bookworm,the geek.Verbally asulted and insulted on toilet walls.Being the constant subject of the school's gossip section.Nor did I think stuffing toilet paper and what not in my locker was part of the high school agenda either.
Kids snicker as I made my way down the lonely dark lanes of the school hallway.There was another nasty surprise as I approached my locker.'What did they think up of now'I though bitterly to myself.I opened my locker door with caution and stepped away experiencely.I had already attracted a crowd who was anticipating for their usual morning dose of humour.I widen my eyes in horror as I saw actual faeces smeared everywhere.The smell was overwhelming and I staggered back.Tears began to form around my eyes and I fiercely told myself not to cry.I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me break down.Soon I heard people cheering,people wooting with amusement,there were even some who were clapping.I was seething with rage.Why do they do these stuff to me??Why me??My world starting spining rapidly.Its all coming back to me once more."NO!" I screamed in my head.I clasped my head tightly,willing the words to get out of my system."Go Away!".I couldn't handle it anymore."No more...please...just go away"I pleaded desperately."I am not a killer! It wasn't my fault......it wasn't....People started to notice my beheaviour,they started going off..not wanting to do anything with me.They don't care.They hated me.Why should they show mercy to a murderer?Who would dare?It meant having their reputation tarnished if they spoke to me.Much less be friends with me.
The school bell rang.Never was I more glad to hear its ring.All of them soon dispersed off leaving me with my pitiful locker.I knew I was going to be late.I couldn't care less.I no longer cared that my grades are slipping,no longer cared how many detentions I got,no longer cared paying attention in class...I did't care anymore.What's the point of caring?you will only get hurt in the end.That's what I had learnt ever since the day of the accident.....

Okok...so I know this so called story is really depressing and weird and all.I was just feeling bored la...so I just fool around.I don't think kids really act this way..just being dramatic me you know...haha.So ya...basically its crap.But I like its dramatics.So sue me.lolS.

My mind is a blank right now.Just like this page sitting in front of me.Its seems so white and pure I don't there to dirty it with my depressing thoughts and sarcastic remarks...it seems like thats all I will ever have in my dark head.haha.
to0dles
bro rushing me
i know tis a crap entry
wil update later.
promise
then again
promises are meant to be broken
okok
i swear
bye

Sunday Naggings

Dad was being his naggy self this afternoon.He nags for me to do homework,to go touch some books,saying that all this computer playing nonsense is just too much and blah blah blah.Sunday sucks.Having a parent at home to nag at you non stop.He then went on to the wrapping of my books...so maybe he is bitter about having to spend money on the roll of plastic wrap ...but please ...what's got not doing homework got to do with wrapping books??I retorted back that I was wating for all my books to arrive first before I would start wrapping.He tells me those are all excuses and blah blah blah....Gawd,sometimes his nagging is even more annoying than mom's.
I wished I hadn't woke up today.That way I needn't need to face this kind of music.Waking up at 230 was the latest I could manage.My brother woke up at 315.Coz both of us slept at 430.Reasonable ok...
Guess i better just succomb to my miserable fate and be the model daughter thats he wants.
to0dles.
till then
[unfortunately and always]
me.

"depressive" me

Maybe staying up every single night for gunbound isn't so good.
Perhaps the day's exhaustion got to -
Maybe thats why I seem to piss - off every single minute.
I don't know why I care so much.
I don't even want to.What's - to me anyways?
I feel pissed off too.Is it wrong that I get mad?
You know what...I shouldn't be bothered.
But I am.

think happy.think positive.

I should be happy.Afterall there is no school.Yup.Must think happy.HAPPY.The word seems pretty foreign to me now.I wish I won't feel this way.But really there is nothing to be happy about now.Let me think..........what is there.......
Oh ya!Taufik won!Seems like my 6 calls didnt go to waste.*elation*.Ya...but only for a moment.Sad cas.Sly was pretty good.But I fell in love with Taufik 'Me and Mrs Jones'.
Continuing my gb marathon.In which results in eyes bags and late night snacking.I am quite surprise I am still not bored with it.Yet.
Went out with charmaine today to compass point and punggol plaza.Peeps...don't go to punggol plaza unless you wana grab some chow.It was boring to say the least.Headed back to compass point and saw amron.I seem to always bang into people I don't want to meet.First branson and sandra,now amron.Spare me please.Once again I paid another visit to the library.Same old boring me.
There is going to be math tuition tommorow.What joy.What happiness.MY ARSE LA.I rather go back to living my boring old cynical life then have math tuition.But oh noo.....mom is afraid I might flunk my math during my Os.Its 2 more years mumsie.To her,2 yrs is like 2 months.Gawd I hate my teacher.His has a nasty ordour that could rival oym's ordour [it is THAT bad] ,his voice annoys me to no end and I just hate him which in turn makes me hate math.
You guys feeling depressive already from reading my blog...forgive me.Afterall I am here to speak the sad truth of my pathetic live.My friends have simply disappeared to who knows where and I am doubting whether or not I got friends in the first place.And most days I spend time thinking of what I should do to occupy myself.I wish I could be like mella.Happy and cheery.Nahs...that is just not me.Not now anyways.Perhaps I am going through my mid life crisis.Who am I kidding.I'm not even old eough to watch m16 movies.gRrrr....
till my sad self returns
to0dles~
hope u guys r having a better time than me.
*sighs*
and tis is suppose to be e season to be 'jolly'.
I feel like scrooge.seriously.
dang..this is bad.
*coughs* fUk *coughs*