Bloody bored

helLo feLloW earthLings...
Feeling bloody bored at home.I would soon resort to carving on my flesh if I don't do anything soon and it certainly would be bloody.B O O R R I I I N N G G!!!I guess I have gotten over being in E3 and all.My mind have now shifted into neutral gear where everything seems boring,the same well... basically bleh.Chatted with Elix on msn yesterday we mused in the end that if carmella was there as well it would be major girl talk time.Lols.
Read 'the dating game' today.Nice enough to occupy your time and all.Anyone know any new fresh websites that can occupy your time?No chinese websites please.Won't bloody understand what they talking.
till then
me

no choice

heLlo pLaNeT eArTh,
It seems like I needn't had to make anymore choices yesterday.There wasn't anymore.Mr Yong convinced my mom that E3 was the right choice for me and that was it.I look at the class list and realised just how many of my friends were going to E5.I shall miss them sooooo very much.I felt so stupid for only mangaging to enter E3.I was even more sullen than my mom after the meeting,in fact she was the one consoling me on how suitable E3 was actually for me.I should be happy.HAPPY.But I was not.Not exactly.I felt a little bitter and regretful.Almost all my closest friends were in E5.Bao Hui,Elix,Shu Chen,Wen Yan and Kaiting.Regina got stuck in E4.There was only Kah Yuen left with me.Oh and OYM.*pukes*.
Relatives asked me how I done and I said 'okay lor'.My results has always been 'okay lor'.I am so sick of seeing the looks on people faces.I don't need any pity.Argh...
Actually there was another thing that made me upset.But its a secret.Haven't told a single soul and don't bother asking me what is it.Went to compass point after the meeting and had mos burger.Then went to heartland mall where I hung out in sans bookstore while my mom visits her friends.Was feeling pretty glum the entire day.
Yan Shan went to E4.So much for believing we would reunite in Sec3.After chatting yesterday,we came to the conclusion why we couldn't be in the same class.She told me that she put E4 in first choice coz she thought I wanted to go there,while I put E3 in sencond choice coz I thought she wanted to go there.So we ended up in each other 'dream' classes.How twisted.
Suppose to go for a debate thingy.But I got the timing wrong and couldn't make it in time for it.Amirah sms me later and told me she couldn't go either.Just as well.
till then
me

confusedddd

hello world.

Feeling very confuse now.Major nail biting involved.I have never been good at making decisions.Now I am making one that could altar my entire life course.[dramatics again..heheS].Seriously,I am stumped.E3 or E4?E3 or E4?!E3 or E4?!!

Now I wish Regina hadn't told me which class I am in.I won't be feeling so confuse now.My mom's so worried that I might make the wrong decision that she is coming home early from work.She almost never cut short work.Shows how much she trust me.*shrugs*.

I should be happy.Being able to scrape into a A math class and all.But being the greedy human beings that we are...I want more now.Sure I did like to tell people that I got into the second best class...but come on..can I cope.I should be happy I got into E3.Getting into there is like a minor 1g(03) renuion.So why am I doubting my choice?Perhaps its the thought of being in the same class as fucking shit oym for another 2yrs that make me have doubts.But pls..he can't possible play such a big part in this.So whats my problem????

Hm...I am speaking as if I could go to E4 if I appeal.Maybe I should just stick to God's decision and go to E3 without any qualms.Then again...???Argh...

till then

me

abseil n such

Dear Fwen,
Had a pretty rough and hot day.I will never prance around in the damn school compound in a pair of jeans again.I felt so restrained around my legs...so anyways..lol..this entry is getting pretty stupid.Well..the secondary 2 express were doing abseiling today and I was so surprise when I heard that we would abseiling in our school.Sigh..I was hoping that I could get out of school.Oh well.We waited for AGES.The first person abseiled down at 9 plus am..the last person around 2pm.Imagine what happened in between.We did several cheers.Sang songs.Move our butts around.Just about anything to lift our spirits up.I guess I could say 2i was the loudest class out of all.We were all getting pretty impatient.Hais.
I had absoulute style when I abseiled...letme tell ya...crashed here and there..kicked the poster till it was out of shape..and basically I did everything NOT to do while abseiling.Ah well.muddle head me as usual.
Had 'DeepaRaya' rehersal today.[sheesh..u;d think with so many teachers on board they would think of a much more creative and less lame idea].It was boring .......argh..wish I wasn't involved.regrets seriously.
well till then
me

some quality family time

Dear Fwen,
My whole family is watching some slimming programme show on tv and they are driving me nuts,esp my mom.Whenever this programme comes on they constantly remind me that I would sure gain weight during the hols and that I seem to have gain weight recently and that I should really watch what I eat AND I should go sign up for some holiday programme so that I won't be on my butt for 2 whole months..I could still go on but I don't want to drive you guys nuts too.nag nag nag.yes mom..I would try...and dad pls stop telling me to do something productive during the hols.blah blah blah.My brother is sniggering at the background.Some family.Not quite the family 'quality' time I had envisioned.You'd think that they would show some sympathy because of my feet...but noooo...[I am such a spoiled brat huh...whatever!!...lols].
Hobbled around my house the entire day while my maid laughed at the ugly way I was walking.The gods are so against me.Can't wait to go to school tomorrow.Lazing around at home is good...for 6 hrs max...but I would seriously go crazy if I do this everyday.Just lying on my bed like a corpse..occasionally breathing..and when I feel like really really energized I change positions.
My brain is really weird.While normal people's brain work during the day,mine only work while I sleep.I was able to remember every detail of my dream yesterday AND I could even remember what I wore in my dream and it was the exact same thing that I was wearing in real life.I NEVER remember what I am wearing much less actually visualising the clothes that I am wearing in real life.So when I woke up this morning I felt like I hadn't really slept the 10hrs that I had.My back actually ached and so did my right shoulder.Gosh..I felt so old.How in the world can I put my brain back to place...shucks.
well
till then
me

Dear Fwen,
Had inter-class competition today ...and well...it didn't end the way we wanted to.Before the competition we were wondering about the situation regarding our lack of substitutes..so we were like 'aiyah it won't really affect us one la..i mean we always play also don't have alot of injuries..chances very slim la.'2 hrs later...ky had a slight sprain ankle..me and regina had 3 torn skins between us and wy had blisters..shu chen was just pure exhausted and pissed off.I was pretty pissed-off too.We could have soooooo won.They kept miniusing our goals and basically the judges was biased and prejudiced.*stupid wadeva hao la*
We were in the finals with 2c and by the halftime we were supposedly leading 8:6 or 5...then they announced that it was 8:7.We qsted why it was suddenly changed and they say change to 7:6 lor.Whats the freaking difference????????????????I was like freaking mad..but didn't want people to think that I was a sore loser[in that case we were winners by the way]..so I gave up ..argh.
So many marks were taken from us in the second half just because after ky had the ball in her hands she jumped off the bench.*curses*.Well...we lost to a point in the end due to grace brillance.lol.but she was really great.Grace ar..was soo concentrated on the game she managed to ignore the pain in her feet..it was like in much worse conditions than us.So me,ky and her took a taxi home.wahahas.
*sigh* and because of my feet and re feet..the trip to the beach tml is cancelled.damnit.I wonder if I still can abseil.What timing.
till then
me

sdsad

Dear Fwen,
I am slowly getting over my dismal results for math.I'm at charmaine house at the moment.Both of us are bored with tears.Came over to escape my brother only to meet yet another annoying counterpart..charmaine brother marcus.AND my brother is coming HERE.oh why can I never escape from my brother's evil clutches?*sobs miserably and helplessly*...
Watched 'Love Actually' once more with charmaine just now over at my house and we pigged out too.Will never tire that movie.
Nothing to report really.Hais.......................maybe there will more stuff to add later

222

There is such a thing as too much time....
Too much space.....
Too much freedom.
Eventually the heart grows lonely,
Longing for a companion to share the empty nights with,
And to laugh away the voids of days.
But when you're the reason you're alone...
There can be no laughter...
Can be no love or smile or piece of mind.

At first it all seems like a dream,
A joyous escape from the claws,
But it soon grows tired and empty and boring,
And you begin to feel lost.
You grow weak at the knees,
Spaced in the mind,
Broken in the soul.
You sit in pure silence for your eternity,
The only thoughts enveloping you...
They tell you who's to blame.
And they're right...you brought it all on yourself.
You deserve the suffering,
you welcomed it to begin with.
Your fault.

But now what?
You can't say it's freedom because that's a lie.
You can't say it's what i need because you don't believe that.
You can't say it's ok because it's not.
You can't say i'm winning...no one can win alone.
You can't say anything.
Not to me.
Not now....i'm unworthy to you.
And i understand that.

We both needed time to heal,
And forget,
And to move on,
And to learn once more...
How to love.
But there is such a thing as too much time....
Too much space.....
Too much freedom.
I need to be pulled back into the claws,
It's a void out here....
Everything's too far off...
Too empty...
Too....

Spaced.... ... .. . .

fucked up

Dear Fwen,
Got our results back today.Fucking miserable to say the least.Tears were constantly sighted but amazingly I didn't break down.I don't know whether because I was already mentally prepared for it or because my heart was already just plain numb.I just felt...nothing.I mean sure I felt upset..but it was like it hasn't hit me yet..till now..not yet.The number - will probably haunt me forever.Argh!!I really don't know how in the world I am going to tell my mum that I got a - for math.Oh god.Just thinking about it makes me sick.Went to Rm after school and everyone was so depressed.I was like 'whats the point of crying over it..aint going to change nothing'.Is obtaining grades all to life???Who cares about what grades you get when you are finding a job.Is your freaking boss going to look at your sec 2 and 3 reccord????People wake up.Look at the trees..look at the sky..take a moment out of your selfish life to think about others much worse off then you...appreciate that we are able to live in peace..for godsakes snap out of it people.I am going crazy.Maybe I am trying to make myself feel better that grades don't matter.They do?..oh I don't know...Miss Koh describe our math marks as disgusting..I felt pretty hurt as I felt that the comment was probably shot at me.Disgusting eh..well I am disgusted at my stupidity thats for sure.I am like fucking pissed and miserable right now but can I show it to my friends..no.The friggin ironic thing is I am comforting people who got higher marks than me..that they would make it...............fucked up.the whole system is so wrong.I was going mad inside my head.I was visualizing myself thrwoing chairs around...shoving tables away and screaming at my friends who thinks its the end of the world for them.I did nothing of that sort in real life.I just shut up as many told me to do so.So there they were crying their hearts out..and making me feel worse...but I have to comfort them.No offense people..just mad at the world now..sorry if I pissed you off.Just stating what I feel...whether you like it or not.Slefish thoughts..yes..but whatever.I don't give a damn right now.But I am mad at myself the most.Disappointed hardly describe how I feel now about myself.*flips math off*
bye.

Shit

Dear Fwen,
I can feel it in my bones to the very depth of my stoned heart.Its time for me to wake up and face the cruel reality we live in.You guessed right,my math paper 2 is done and over with.Done badly.Right now I am trying to mentally prepare myself at the thought of going to e2 next year.Its terribly difficult though.I am so mad at myself for I know this has been all of my undoing.The results have not been posted up yet..but my intuition tells me I am probably not going to make it.When the teacher said 'times up' it was time for me to wake up.I got out of the class unclear of my surroundings.My friends were all busyily discussing theirs answers while I don't even have any answers to discuss.*laughs bitterly*.I saw yan shan and we immediately went hysterical.We decided to hang out together just the two of us to drown our sorrows.We went to Compass Point and basically talked for four hours straight there.I think I lost the feeling in my butt after the first two hours.Our talk had a cycle.We would be all so depressing and then suddenly got joke ..we would laugh..and then our laughter would slowly fade away as it gave way to sadness once more.Sigh.I think it was my first time that I hung around there for so long.Came home and it was raining.Perfect weather for my perfect mood.
till then
me
Living in a nightmare with never ending sleep.

xams

Heyy~
U are now looking at a survivor whom had completed 8 mind excruciating papers.Ok Cass..being a lil dramatic here.Hey..whatever.My math paper 1 went badly.Flunked it.Had minor breakdown after the paper.I have lost 15 marks because my mind couldn't freaking function faster.1 stinking hour.No time for regrets now,but I can't help feeling this way.I kept thinking..this was it,now or never.I can probably kiss bye bye in going to a A math class for the next two years now.English paper 2 was okay I guess.I actually quite enjoyed the first passage on Singapore Idol.The summary was surprisingly easy [I usually stunk at summaries].Chinese paper ...ewww...history was plain tiring.My hand was permenantly damage after it.I regretted spending too much time on the source based qst.Geography was okay..could have been a whole lot easier if I had actually studied for it..but some dumbass smart alec thinks that putting science and geo together on the same day was good because what??they were about things around us.Argh.Too much facts for me.Science was quite hard.Would be very happy if I can manage to get a b3.This week is like a freedom depriving week or something.I am so envious of other schools students..exams all over.I am like the only idiot on the bus with her nose stuck in a book in order to cramp.My eyelids are drooping now.Pretty tired.I spent the entire afternoon today reading 'Angels and Demons' by dan brown.Another Robert langdon adventure.I was on at it till dinner.Went to compass point with elix.wenyan and kaiting.Had an okay time.We compared our geo and sci mcq ans and I really think I am gona flunk my science as well.GReat...two of the most important subjects and I suck at them.I am so not a science person.Sighs.I guess you guys must be getting pretty sick of all this exam talk..ah well..cant help myself..exams is all that I am thinking now..cept when I was reading the book..lols.
kks..cya
till then,
me

wadeva

Dear Fwen,
Feeling bored now-extremely.I probably should ..ya know..erm..study..ya..like I would do that.Today went by pretty quickly in school.Surprisingly quite stress free despite nearing our exams.Chinese was like free time.Math was a little frustrating cause we had to draw curve graphs using free hand.Mine was horrid by the way.Science was pretty funny.English rocked because we spent the entire period in the library!~
More and more discovering yong ming friendster account.Everyone is wondering who is the creater though.Lols.I would say it was a pretty smart trick.*winks*. Kinda sick of isketch now.As usual I overplayed it and has exhausted it.*sighs*.Even this entry is boring.everything is boring!!I wish we could just get freaking over the exams.I particularly hate this period of time.Feeling guilty when you are doing anything else except when you are studying.sheesh.give me a break will ya god.Just stuffed myself with Macdonalds despite my alarming weight.lols.hais.what to do.couldn't stop myself as usual.I pretty much hate myself now.lazy,stupid,fat and undiscipline.lols.aw shucks..what the hell..you have only 1 life.Eat and slack it!
well till then
me.

shadowed

Dear Fwen,
Having a splitting headache-again!I think I woke up too early today.Had cme exam.People only panicked around 3 mins before the exam..haha..such a sight..definately last minute cramming.lols.I guess it was pretty much general knowledge luckily for us otherwise people will think 2i got no morals.lols.Finished wayy before the 1h given to us.Had "sexuality talk" yesterday..I know I know..not one of those again you might be thinking.It was okay I guess..learnt some interesting facts abt 'man' and woman.Guys were acting their usual immature self.Guys will NEVER grow up and thats a fact.No need scientific proof..just use your eyes can le.Stayed back for math yesterday and I can truthfully say,miss koh is crazy.GILA.It was pretty funny at first but we soon got her message.Actually want to thank her.The guys were so noisy yesterday it was getting on my nerves.Kept on teasing shuan and basically making a fool out of themselves.I feel that teachers nowadays are so full of themselves.In a funny and erxin way.haha.Mrs Shahul thinks shes cute,mrs seng thinks we want to look at her and miss koh thinks jervis has a crush on her.haha.A crazy lot..all of them.6 more days to exams but I am still here.lol.couldnt resist it.I think I am getting use to yanni eccentric ways.haha.JK!!~*dun hit meeee*.Well,went to check out yong ming friendster...and I tell ya....people are so damn straight forward sia.haha.but those testis were funny.damn funny..in a mean way.ah well.I actually tried writing one mean one myself but I couldn't do it la.I cancelled it in the end.weak eh.ending off with the note:GUYS ARE JERKS!
till then
me

ps:can u believe it..someone actually tinks sandra is sweet.!!!!whats e world coming to.ah well.

till..

Dear Fwen,
I guess this would be my last entry till my exams are over.I feel like a mute now,I am literally a mute actually.My voice is gone..I can't even crack out what I want to say.I hope to get my voice back soon.I miss talking.Tomorrow will be my first streaming exam.The exam that helps me decide which class is should go to for the next 2 years.It hasn't hit me yet.Gosh.I really got nothing much to say now.
till then
me

blegh

Heyya.
Just felt like writing suddenly though I really have nothing much to say as usual.The condition of my voice has worsened if that's possible and now I can hardly speak.I can see the strain in people's eyes when I speak to them.Thats how bad I sound.Maybe its good that I can't really speak,it helps me hear more clearly.As the saying goes,god gave us 2 ears but only 1 mouth so we can listen more than we talk or whatever the meaning about the same.I had envisioned myself to be sitting in the theater now laughing over white chicks but my illness had prevented that vision from coming true.Instead I am sitting in front of my computer writing to no one in particular.My eyes feel very tired now and I am now typing without actually seeing and amazingly I dont make any mistakes.Today was okay I guess.Went to school around 8 plus and came home around 4.Went to bathe and straight away my tuition teacher came.This is such a boring entry.Argh.I am basically typing whatever that comes to my mind.Hais.Exams coming le..monday to be precise.Waiting in anticipation..oops...wait...thats suppose to be oym line.I am afraid that I might feel well enough on monday to take the exam though.*sighs*.and to make things more uncomfortable for me..my period came.damn it.Life simply hates me.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

bRokEneD

Dear Fwen,
Heyyyy....long time no write..hm I spot a few changes here.Anyways,right now I really feel like throwing down my shoe at the pasar malam vendor who keeps playing the stupid freaking alphabet song and old macdonald had a farm song!!!!!!!!!!!Omg!!!!I tell ya...it has been at the edge of my nerves..tittering.....you'd think I would relieve those days of innocence and childhood..blah blah blah...ya right!~.Argh...*bangs head on wall repeatedly*.Quite weird though..having a pasar malam literally at your doorstep.Have to get use it I guess.Exams are coming..nothing new..exam has been coming since jan 2.Sighs.I feel very tired..woke up this morning and my body felt so old...I wanted to collaspe back into my bad again but of course I can't.I overslept so badly I had to take a taxi to school...just like the other 3 days in this week.Lolx.Couldn't help myself.HeheZ.Someone stolen my 8 dollars yesterday.Just when I needed the money for something important in addition to just filling up my stomach.I feel very lucky though..why??....cause the pa jiao thief never see my 7610 hp which was with my wallet!!hahaha.But I guess Denise luck wasn't as good as mine..hp and money taken away..then richard lost 20 dollars.HaisS...can't even trust people in my own school...dotZz..and they say singapore is safe..ka pui.Anyways...haven't been feeling well this past few days.Sore throat,cough,flu...you name it i got it..and now my voice sounds like it has been broken..not only broken..cracked...scratched...bleghs....hais..my beautiful melodious harmonious voice...GONE!...lol..being 'elixish'...jkjk.Had friedrich performance yesterday and I was like..shit!!!Of all times...it HAD to happen before an important performance....that is SO LIFE.I just can't get use to the way life works.argh.
cheerious.
ps:wish me luck tt the friggin machine tt is playin those friggin songs suddenly explodes or something..just....shut up......
till then
yours truly
me.haha.