e search for a bag

Feet aching now.*grumbles*
I am gona so kill my friends.They at LEAST owe me a feet massage.At the very LEAST.
Walked the entire stretch of orchard with wy and elix today not to mention bugis.I am so not train for shopping.We walked to heeren,paragon,wisma atira,pacific plaza,far east plaza and bugis.And we couldn't find a freaking school bag.In wy case,a freaking roxy bag.
Not the the trip wasn't fun or anything...it was..but it was also damn tiring.Oh the sarcrifices I have to make for my friends...I wonder why roxy don't manufacture more bags??I'm sure they will all sell well.And most importantly they can spare good friends like me the agony of my feet ache.If they had,we wouldn't have walked around orchard like idiots searching furtively for a darn roxy bag.To add salt to the wounds,elix told me online later than perhaps she and wy would be buying a op bag they saw at COMPASS POINT............!!!!So much for orchard.Remind me to kill those two personally.jk.....
But its really stupid come to think of it.We 3 go all the way to orchard only to come back empty handed..(well actually we bought some other stuff too..got kinda distracted..hehes...)and then go to compass point and WALA~maybe they are going to buy an op bag.-.-"
oh well...all this just proves to show how good a friend I am...muahahhas...LOLs.
anyways.....lets pray for all those victims of the tsunamis..........
till then
me

cry

I feel like crying.
For the kids in africa whom I saw the other day in discovary channel for death to them is as normal as watching tv for us.
For the victims of the earthquake,floods and tidal waves and their family for their new found grief.
For my brother who was so angry at my dad he had sucidal thoughts.
And finally for myself.....
cause I can do nothing for all of these people.
All I can do is sit at the sidelines and price the pricing tags on my mom's clothes.I spent the entire of today doing just that.
This is one of those times when I wonder what the hell am I doing here on earth.They say everyone has a reason for living.What's mine?
Pricing my mom's clothes?Try everyday to convince my brother that digging his nose with all ten fingers is a disgusting habbit?Soothe out the rough edges of my parents relationship?Or...Hmm....go to school and study shit?
I wish I could be a doctor.So that I can fly over to africa and put things right for those kids.Sadly,I am just not the doctor material-in other words,I am no genius.So what can I be of use to those children if I go over there.What qualities do I have????Nada.Zilch.Nothing.
My self confidence and ego is at a all down low now.From what I have gathered today is
-My math result is a desperate case.
-My mom calls her own daughter fat(nothing new here)
-Sometimes you don't really have much of a choice.
-And your own destiny doesn't entirely lay in your hands.
Today hasn't really been all that great for me as you can see.
Sometimes I am angry at myself for all these self pity crap that I have for myself.Look at all those starving innocent kids in africa.They worry about whether they will be able to eat tommorow...whether they will get to see the sunrise the next day.While I....I worry whether I will be able to lose enough weight so that people can finally shut up...I worry about missing the next episode of the o.c.
Gawd...I am so selfish.Compared to those kids...I have everything......but yet....yet...I am still not happy.Why???
till then
me

'Merry' Christmas

Its Christmas day.While most kids round the world are busy UNWRAPPING their new presents me and my brother was busy WRAPPING our new school textbooks.Oh the woes of me life...*weeps*...
People who worked with me when I was a librarian in chij should know my SKILL for wrapping books.And how much I LIKED doing it.If not for my dad,I think my books would turn would out as if someone has pasted rough pieces of plastic all over it.
Had christmas eve dinner yesterday night with sophia and cynthia's family.We went to a seafood resturant.How CHRISMASY eh.NOT.Esp when your parents are constantly shoving raw smelly diarrhoea-causing seafood at you.Luckily I had sophia to talk to to divert my attention from my raw dinner.I think ate more crab than I ever had in my entire life.EEk.
Rushed to gd ol' Mac after dinner which was just next door and finally had some normal food.Hot fudge chocalate never tasted so good before.
Came back with them and watched the rerun of home alone AGAIN.I wonder which movie will replace it in the future.
till then
me

band concert

HeeS...
Attended my school military band concert yesterday with a couple of my galfriends yesterday at victoria concert hall.We walked through citylink mall to suntec to esplanade and finally to victoria concert hall accompained with py constant horrid off tune versions of christmas carols.Lols.You can't imagine the horror the embarrasement we went through.Im just kidding.But py really did 'sing'.I finally bought 'Collision Course'!!!!!!So sync.It kind of accompanied me through the later part of our perilious trek to victoria.It also annoyed my friends too..haha..for they had to repeat everything to me if they talked to me.
The concert was quite ok.There were a few funny moments during the christmas all round song.There was also this grp of annoying? or should I say damn supportive friends who shouted 'XIAO LAO HU WO MEN AI NI!!!!'.DotssSssssssSs.lols.Met kah yuen and jia yun during the interval.Pass by kai ting.Interval was pretty quick though.Hais....
Concert end around 10 cause alot of us requested for encore.Hehe.We went to compass point 7-11 after much consideration.But I only hung out there for a few minutes before my dad called to say he had arrive.
It was a pretty tiring and harrowing experience for me ...haha..no la..quite enjoyable at times I guess.
well
till then
me!~

deja vu?

Since of late I had moments of deja vu lately.I not even sure if deja vu is the correct term to use for it.It seems to me that I am able to predict the unknown future through my dreams.This is how it usually goes...
I dream of something.A action.A word.Anything.The very next day,somehow the word or action will pop up.A weird example for you;In my dream,I dreamt of someone vaguely asking me how to spell the word 'cranberries'.The next day I went to the supermarket with my brother and he for the first time in his life,pick up a bottle of cranberries juice for no reason at all.I know you might be thinking ...its probably just coincidence and nothing much of a big deal.But honestly this just keeps happening.Though not very significant it still happens.Maybe I can predict the future!~haha.
On to more realistic stuff...
I spent the entire afternoon covered in dust while cleaning out my book shelves.After that I just laid on my bed thinking of a jumble of things.Like how busy I would be next year.I should appreciate the free time I have now.But I can't.Cause I have been living this way for so long I just have forgotten the thrill and prospect of not having any more responsibilites on my hands such as studying for a test and completing a project and such.So basically I laid there for around half an hour or so...trying to capture the moment of almost full freedom.Nothing on my to-do list...nothing.Kinda good I guess.Just resting there..not thinking much.I think moments like this would be hard to come by next year.
Well this has been a sorta ridiculous?? entry
I don't care la
my blog
my writings
:p

departure

My maid left home today with 2 year's worth of memories and 38kg of luggage.After practically 1 month of heavy slacking I was definately not fit to lug a 11kg bag all over world trade centre but thats what I did anyways.We arrived there clueless to where the ticketing booth could be. But I spotted the sign 'Cruise Centre' and since that was the only thing remotely close to 'boats' I followed it.We soon found it and was served by a lady who looked as if there was shit under her nose.She was frowning the whole time and when I asked her where is the baggage check in area she told me vaguely that it was over at the next building.Seeing that I haven't been to world trade since I was like what? 8 ?I innocently asked her how to get to the next building.Her face looked even more irritatable and she said 'You go OVER to the NEXT building'.She waved her hand towards the left and used a tone when you are talking to a moronic idiot.I know its the fucking next building but how to get there la??I couldn't stand her anymore and left hastily.
The 3 of us went up and down the building for around 4 times before 2 uncles showed us the way to the next building.Finally!!At the baggage check in we realised that my maid has overloaded her luggage.No surprise there.She had to pay a extra $4.20 for the big one and hand held the other one by herself.After asking more than 4 people we finally found the immigration hall.She left looking a little bewildered at the speed of things.Well couldn't help rushing what..esp when your boat's gona leave in abut 10 mins!!
My grand ma and I took a cab home and in the cabby driver's seat sat one of the most arrogant man I met.We told him our destination and he rambled on and on about the route he would take.As if wanting us to know how 'knowed' he is about singapore roads.I was like 'whatever la..you bring us there can le'.Soon his phone rang and had one of the loudest and bhb conversation I heard.He said and I quote;'As a LAW ABIDING CITIZEN I would never think of doing that.The trainer at the TAXI ACADEMY told us we are not allow to do that cause of other INCONSIDERATE drivers who would park there...' and so on and forth.You get the idea bahs.I never heard anyone used the words 'law-abiding' so seriously before.And I swear there was once he looked over the rear view mirror and smirked at me!Grrrrr....major eye rolling was going on inside my head.Another thing that ticked me off was that whenever he turned or cut in he would raise his left hand up.As if other drivers would be able to see that.My grandma turn around to see whats happening everytime he does that and he even laughed!!!!!Kao pei la.
All in all the trip wasn't all that great.
oh well.hais.
till then
me

disappear

Changed my blogskin.Couldn't stand the 'bright' purple anymore in my old skin despite how much I like purple guess I was just not feeling it.Currently listening to hoobastank's 'disappear' and yellowcard's 'only one'.you guys should go check those out..but seeing that most of you aren't of the english music scene..oh well at least I gave it a try.*shrugs*
Stayed up till 5am in the morning yesterday or should I say today...reading meg cabot's latest novel..entitled 'Every guy got one', made me laugh out a few times..enjoyable book,even in the dark..haha[inside joke]
Went to bugis with my family yesterday.Seems to be showing up in public more and more often with them.Not good cassandra..not good at all..*checks social calendar to see what went wrong*
Went to eat at fish and co.Huge mistake.First there was like only 1 other table occupied aside from us ..so...the staff was practically eyeing us the whole time we ate.
So ya..maybe they are interesting to see how I handled my freaking fish that was literally hanging out of my plate.As if.Second the serving was huge...thus wasting food and making me feel guilty about those kids in africa.Third,they lied.Their fish and chips definately weren't the best in town.I can vouch for that.Oh well...my mom's choice and she paid for it.
Mom went to pray at the temple while I made my way to kino.Came out an hour later with two books.Whee..
well.
till then
me

pissed as usual

I'm super piss right now,
just like always.
Generally,I'm pissed at guys
freaking sorry excuse for living guys..
is it so hard to find a sweet sensitive normal guy?
guess not.
I am angry
But I can't show it for it will only invite conflict right?
I wish I could have retaliate,
but thats so not me.
My hol diet has been a downright flop.
I even tried envisioning all food as lumps of fats
doesn't work.
I am sick of people commenting about my weight,
and sick of trying to brush it off as if its nothing
coz its not.
But i guess I just love food to much.
is that such a sin?
People...just fucking diam la...
I am so sick of everyone's comments about me...
so tired of trying to supress my anger
So just shut up!
I'm losing my mind...

Hey...
well I have just read through my blog and realised that I haven't exactly been updating you on my life ....not that there is anything interesting to know ..aside from the fact that I went to orchard for almost 4 days in a row and I had an so called accurate premonition.
The orchard fiasca begin on Sunday.My family and I went there after dinner to admire the x'mas decorations.Then on Monday my mom brought me and my bro to orchard again for a high tea treat but we ended up in swenson.Walked to taka,wisma,shaw house and pacific plaza.Finally found a roxy shop in pacific plaza.My dad came from work and he brought us to borders.On tuesday I went to orchard AGAIN with kah yuen and we went to cineleisure to watch 'without a paddle'.Real funny movie.Then we walk to taka and bought some presents for our friends.On Wednesday I stayed at home since I had *glooms* math tuition.Then on thursday....believe it or not..I went back to orchard.Again to cineleisure with charmain and hui min and again to watch 'without a paddle'.Actually I found it funnier the second time.haha.We walked to take and I find out from hui min there is actually a library in taka!!!!I couldn't believe it.We hung around there for about 2 hrs and we went to watch the movie.On friday I didn't go to orchard la..haha...won't have if you ask me.Went back to school today to clear my locker and buy band concert tics.Back here typing crap away...hais...just 2 more weeks..and the the hols would be over.You do realise that we won't have another really proper break till end of Os do you?*sighs*
till then
me

My 'story'

'Yes mom....I will be fine..everything will be fine'I rolled my eyes in exasperation.In my heart I was actually crying out to her..."I won't be fine..don't leave me here...I can't take it anymore"But of course my mom just zoomed away talking to a cilent on her phone..away to her world of making deals..meeting cilents..making datelines.Basically business.I miserably made my way up to the school entrance.Another day... another miserable fucking day filled with bullying, chaos and taunting.How i wish my words had rang true..things being fine and all.When I was younger and of course much more naive I had envision high school along the lines of making life-long friends,flirting with guys,free periods,bad cafeteria food,partying,rallies,attending cheesy dances and of course finally graduation .Not being teased as the bookworm,the geek.Verbally asulted and insulted on toilet walls.Being the constant subject of the school's gossip section.Nor did I think stuffing toilet paper and what not in my locker was part of the high school agenda either.
Kids snicker as I made my way down the lonely dark lanes of the school hallway.There was another nasty surprise as I approached my locker.'What did they think up of now'I though bitterly to myself.I opened my locker door with caution and stepped away experiencely.I had already attracted a crowd who was anticipating for their usual morning dose of humour.I widen my eyes in horror as I saw actual faeces smeared everywhere.The smell was overwhelming and I staggered back.Tears began to form around my eyes and I fiercely told myself not to cry.I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me break down.Soon I heard people cheering,people wooting with amusement,there were even some who were clapping.I was seething with rage.Why do they do these stuff to me??Why me??My world starting spining rapidly.Its all coming back to me once more."NO!" I screamed in my head.I clasped my head tightly,willing the words to get out of my system."Go Away!".I couldn't handle it anymore."No more...please...just go away"I pleaded desperately."I am not a killer! It wasn't my fault......it wasn't....People started to notice my beheaviour,they started going off..not wanting to do anything with me.They don't care.They hated me.Why should they show mercy to a murderer?Who would dare?It meant having their reputation tarnished if they spoke to me.Much less be friends with me.
The school bell rang.Never was I more glad to hear its ring.All of them soon dispersed off leaving me with my pitiful locker.I knew I was going to be late.I couldn't care less.I no longer cared that my grades are slipping,no longer cared how many detentions I got,no longer cared paying attention in class...I did't care anymore.What's the point of caring?you will only get hurt in the end.That's what I had learnt ever since the day of the accident.....

Okok...so I know this so called story is really depressing and weird and all.I was just feeling bored la...so I just fool around.I don't think kids really act this way..just being dramatic me you know...haha.So ya...basically its crap.But I like its dramatics.So sue me.lolS.

My mind is a blank right now.Just like this page sitting in front of me.Its seems so white and pure I don't there to dirty it with my depressing thoughts and sarcastic remarks...it seems like thats all I will ever have in my dark head.haha.
to0dles
bro rushing me
i know tis a crap entry
wil update later.
promise
then again
promises are meant to be broken
okok
i swear
bye

Sunday Naggings

Dad was being his naggy self this afternoon.He nags for me to do homework,to go touch some books,saying that all this computer playing nonsense is just too much and blah blah blah.Sunday sucks.Having a parent at home to nag at you non stop.He then went on to the wrapping of my books...so maybe he is bitter about having to spend money on the roll of plastic wrap ...but please ...what's got not doing homework got to do with wrapping books??I retorted back that I was wating for all my books to arrive first before I would start wrapping.He tells me those are all excuses and blah blah blah....Gawd,sometimes his nagging is even more annoying than mom's.
I wished I hadn't woke up today.That way I needn't need to face this kind of music.Waking up at 230 was the latest I could manage.My brother woke up at 315.Coz both of us slept at 430.Reasonable ok...
Guess i better just succomb to my miserable fate and be the model daughter thats he wants.
to0dles.
till then
[unfortunately and always]
me.

"depressive" me

Maybe staying up every single night for gunbound isn't so good.
Perhaps the day's exhaustion got to -
Maybe thats why I seem to piss - off every single minute.
I don't know why I care so much.
I don't even want to.What's - to me anyways?
I feel pissed off too.Is it wrong that I get mad?
You know what...I shouldn't be bothered.
But I am.

think happy.think positive.

I should be happy.Afterall there is no school.Yup.Must think happy.HAPPY.The word seems pretty foreign to me now.I wish I won't feel this way.But really there is nothing to be happy about now.Let me think..........what is there.......
Oh ya!Taufik won!Seems like my 6 calls didnt go to waste.*elation*.Ya...but only for a moment.Sad cas.Sly was pretty good.But I fell in love with Taufik 'Me and Mrs Jones'.
Continuing my gb marathon.In which results in eyes bags and late night snacking.I am quite surprise I am still not bored with it.Yet.
Went out with charmaine today to compass point and punggol plaza.Peeps...don't go to punggol plaza unless you wana grab some chow.It was boring to say the least.Headed back to compass point and saw amron.I seem to always bang into people I don't want to meet.First branson and sandra,now amron.Spare me please.Once again I paid another visit to the library.Same old boring me.
There is going to be math tuition tommorow.What joy.What happiness.MY ARSE LA.I rather go back to living my boring old cynical life then have math tuition.But oh noo.....mom is afraid I might flunk my math during my Os.Its 2 more years mumsie.To her,2 yrs is like 2 months.Gawd I hate my teacher.His has a nasty ordour that could rival oym's ordour [it is THAT bad] ,his voice annoys me to no end and I just hate him which in turn makes me hate math.
You guys feeling depressive already from reading my blog...forgive me.Afterall I am here to speak the sad truth of my pathetic live.My friends have simply disappeared to who knows where and I am doubting whether or not I got friends in the first place.And most days I spend time thinking of what I should do to occupy myself.I wish I could be like mella.Happy and cheery.Nahs...that is just not me.Not now anyways.Perhaps I am going through my mid life crisis.Who am I kidding.I'm not even old eough to watch m16 movies.gRrrr....
till my sad self returns
to0dles~
hope u guys r having a better time than me.
*sighs*
and tis is suppose to be e season to be 'jolly'.
I feel like scrooge.seriously.
dang..this is bad.
*coughs* fUk *coughs*

life goes on............

So life goes on.My brother calls me a bitch.My parents force me to do math homework.I throw a trantrum at my maid over a bar of chocolate.
I spend my mornings deep in slumber only waking after the afternoon sun shine into my room.I spend the day in the most relaxed and laid back manner and the nights having gunbound marathon with my gb buddies.I stay up till the next morning watching soccer.I have watched reruns of shows on scv and I have over exhausted my library card.And yet...I am still bored.I don't know where all my friends have disppeared to for I haven't seen them for weeks.My dad is so sick of seeing me at home always either at the computer or the television he urge me to get my huge arse off the seat and to join some programme to occupy my time every single night.I am so bored I don't mind going to all those november wedding dinner with my parents.I am so bored I started reading the lord of the rings trilogy-AGAIN.Fricking key word in my life is probably boredom.I even started dreaming about going back to school and the thought scares me.Holidays are boring.School is boring.Argh.
Taufik Rockssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!Next Sg Idol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

identity crisis

Suffering an identity crisis right now.Might as well since I got so much time on my hands at the moment anyways.I feel like there are 2 different sides of me.Entirely opposite from each other.One side of me is the 'tomboyish' girl.The one who hates shopping,loves watching soccer and wrestling,bet soccer with friends, play lame computer games,and loves daytona and curse frequently.The other half is the more peace loving kind of girl.The one who's a self confessed bookworm,who writes in her diary proclaiming how her life's a disaster,who crys at mushy movie scenes,who sings horridly along to sad love ballads,who thinks arcades are a waste of money and who hates loud noises.I feel so odd now.Am I a hypocrite???Or I am just plain thinking too much because of the extra time?Hopefully its the latter.
Its approaching december soon.Then it would be school once more.Sounds pretty frightening to me.SCHOOl.argh.Met up with charmaine and rachel yesterday cause all of us were feeling bored.Went to compass and I saw wenyan,peiyun,wenling,some badminton ppl,royce,amirah and kamilah.Was nice to see them.Haven't seen them for some time.
well till then
me

bored with no crap

I'm bored.Simply bored.I have forgotten how to use my brain and nowadays I am just hanging around at home like a zombie with saliva dripping out of my mouth.BORED.I am so bored I don't have a single crap to say or rant about.Coz crap don't even happen anymore!~I am currently exhausting gunbound and I would probably get sick of it soon.There are now more sms sent to my friends asking them whether they are interested to kill boredom.I AM FRICKING BORED.arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.I bet you guys are bored reading this.I am bored writting this.I shall agonise you guys no more.tOodles.
till then
bored me

underneath the bull shit exterior

Went to another awkward relative get together on Sunday at Grand Shanghai.Once again the only sole reason why I was there was because of the food.Food was great.Enviroment was great.What sucked was the socialising.Freaking hate it.Why the hell does the adults go through all of the trouble of striking up uncomfortable conversation when it it going to lapse into a painful silence anyways?Worse than awkward conversation is stupid comments.My so called relatives kept messing up my bro and my name.Aunt even used another cousin's name on me.I was also reminded of my weight.And of course I gradually lost my appetite.There goes the $56 duck.I grew so sick of the adult conversation that I began to talk to my cousin dominic.See what they force me to do?Talk to the fellow who traumatised my child hood.WOWEE.I constantly grimaced at my dad's lame attempt to crack jokes.And believe it or not...the adults were constantly shooting each other under all thosemindless laughter.I wished I had brought something worth lsitening to.I don't see why the adults go thru the trouble of having a gathering when underneath the oh so warm exterior is just bull shit anyways?????????My uncle asked why I looked so moody,I almely retorted that I was sleepy.LOL.My ass la.
well till then
me.

Below is the list of stuff tt i cld do during e hols [...] is the reply i gib back nw
-watch as much movies as possible[check]
-jog for at least 10 mins everyday[still working on it]
-catch up on gunbound[oh ya..plenty of catch up done]
-go the beach[once……..]
-stock up on books[oh yessss..heheh…nd to do some shelf adjustments again]
-sleep average 10hrs per day everyday[hahaha….the mos successful one]
-try not to kill my bro[very hard…..very hard indeed…rite nw though I ‘d like to kill marcus…not for the sake of Charmaine but only for my sake]
-study..pls..hu I kidding..[haha….i read the first page of my chemistry bk and my eyes teared up because of the fricking font..i noe we shld save paper and all la..but tis is too much..]
-don’t touch a single book that gots to do with school[unsuccessful..cant help being so guai la……’temptation is too much’…ya rite]
-try to get expelled in the period of this 2 months[cant gt myself to do it..hum….]
-buy usher cd[erM…..bought Alicia keys one instead..hahah]
-lose weight –a must[IMPOSSIBLE.esp when theres nth to do besides fillin up my stomach…..]
-stop having pig out sessions[ooPs….jus had one…]
-download more songs in mp3[remind oneself once more……..go gt dummy guide for computer idiots]
-burn down school[still working on it…patience ppl]
-become smarter[………………]
-murder oym in his sleep[dun even wan to go near him…wth was I tinkin when I wrote tt????a better possibility…hire a hitman..muahahas]
-begin campaign against studying of algebra[unfortunately…too many oppositions….hais..those ppl are blind-go for make over..haha…ya rites[jus kiddin……]


Take the quiz: "What type of attitude problem do you have? (pics)"

Your Sarcastic....Like me
This is supposed to be the lowest form of humor...But i think its the best because its mean and funny. Besides like me you probably cant help it anymore. Here's a phrase for you...

going nuts

I am going to sue them all.My hair looks so ridiculous.I resemble like someone who has just been discharge from woodbridge mental hospital.I declared to my family that I would hole myself in my room for 2 weeks.Till my frinch grow back.I look even more toot then my bro...if thats possible.And I know elix will have a good laugh when she sees me on tuesday.Happy laughing elix.Dad proclaimed that I was a vainpot.Well...when you look like a ah toot won't you complain about it.Only my mom says I look...so young.Puleaze...helloo..I am young.So there they were convincing me that I look okay.And then they laughed!!!!!!!!!REALLLLL convincing.I am not that blind nor am I deaf in case you haven't notice.So of course I was pretty pissed off.I wanted my mom to not make it so straight.But my dad told me...no oredered me to give it a few more days...get use to it.Oh yeah...get use to looking toot.Easy peasy.My mom says my hair looks fashionable.Well...fasionable for those china doll and kawaii jap looking girls...and I know I am certaninly not one of them.Poor innocent me thought that my cutting my frinch around my face would be like my old frinch.Boy was I wrong.I am not really mad at my parents and all.They must be sick of all my whinning.I just want my old hair back.I am rethinking about going back to school on tuesday.Will be such a blow to my ego.
Well anyways.Nothing much new around here.Went for haircut.Going to watch 'the incredibles' tomorrow.
till then
me

Better to hang myself

all alone in this world. nobody wants to speak to you. nobody wants to talk to you. what are you? what are you? what have you become? your angst has comsumed you, it has burned the human out of you. What have you done? Why cant you be like the rest of the world, content with their lives, living it out aimlessly, yet happily? why can't you just speak like the rest of the world, join into their gossip, their bullshit, their conversation Why must you become the introvert that doesnt do anything at home but sit infront of the computer, hoping some poor bastard would want to chat with you? Well, wake up. Wake up you shit head. Its not gonna happen. You are just one loser in this world with nothing to do, nothing to achieve, nothing to obtain. you are nothing, and the world is everything, everything you can't even see, let alone touch.
Feeling pretty depressive right now as you can tell.feel like that idiot sitting in front of this damn computer doing really nothing in particular.this feeling sucks.perhaps i'm suffering from the guilt of not attending math lesson..then again..its only a math lesson.have done the usual routine.woke up late.stuffed myself with fast food.played gb marathorn.not yet showered as i can't be bother about self cleanliness now.brain not working.have not been using it for a long time.feel like a hypocrite.
always ...me

hot ground and rough kids

Due to yesterday over used of evergy in wild wild wet.I only managed to wake myself an hour after noon.A terrible sin indeed.Looked outside my window and saw that people were already going on with their lives,bustling with activity.Felt more like a pig and a little left out.Did as I was instructed b my younger brother I went to on my computer even before brushing my teeth to start the installation of the gamn maplestory.It better be good,cause it has been four hours since it started installing and its only up to 39%.Ye gads...its taking far longer then I expect.
Headed to wild wild wet yesterday with elix,wenyan,pei yun and lynn.It was worth every 7.50 penny of it.We couldn't believe the crowd it had raked up despite the fact that holidays haven't started yet and it was a weekday.Tons of little kids were there and all of them probably pong tang school.You qian tu.So young and already skipping school.After playing around with our lockers we practically ran to a ride cause of the freaking sizzling ground..so of course all poise was forgotten..forget about looking cool man..not when ur feet is at stake.We immediately went to the Ular-lah.Basically 5 people gets into this big round float thing and we slide down a huge slide filled with water of course.Smart move as only a few minutes later and line had already form to the steps leading to it.We then went on the open air slide.It was pretty lame and not to mention slow....there was even a point where I had to push myself with my hands.-_-".We then headed to the U slide thingy.Where 2people sit facing each other.Kinda like a pirate ship.Sliding down from one end to another.I sat with elix and went it went down we both scream like mad.Wasn't as scary as I thought but it was good fun.We then went to the river.The current in there kinda pushed people in one direction and its tough to go against it.I think we went around it at least 6 times.Most of the time we were trying to get the 5 of us on the float.We suceeded a few times but we fell a countless times.And everytime we collasped people were either laughing at us or just looking at us amusingly.Lols.It was fun though.In the end we gave up and succumbed to just flowing and floating on the river relaxingly.
We then headed to the tsnuami pool where there were waves.I think I swallowed at least a ton of pool water.We managed to make it to the 1.5 mark.It was sooo not 1.5.We assumed that they measured according to ang moh the 1.5.Unfair!Still we had fun.Esp the one who gets to sit on the float.
The kiddie playground wasn't bad either.We tried on every single slide and on the way to to the slide there were people pouring water down on our heads..shooting wwater at us..blah blah blah.Kids nowadays...so hiong man.Push here and there.Why I remember during my generation.....haha..okok..I am not that old..being dramatic again..will stop.Anyways we went to sit underneath this huge yacult bottle where it pours down gallons of water every few minutes.Haha..when it was about time a crowd would come in and everyone would be sitting there closely.Such a sight.We got hit 3 times before we went to the wave pool again.By then it was already 5 plus so we decided 'games over'..time to head home.We stopped by MAc and had a quick meal before heading home.
well till then
me

Northeast Heritage Tour

Hello world.
Spent half the day in the hot basking sun today in many different enviroments and sights.Went for the Northeast heritage tour with people from my school.I heard from our guide that we were the pioneer batch of this tour.Wahhhh so big sia we all.Anyways,I found the tour pretty interesting.The guide seem to talk non stop and my head is filled to the brim with facts now.We went to a roman catholic church [which in fact was my prischool church..like the church we always go to when we had services so was nothing new to me].Then we went to a small temple which actually started out as a private family temple but it got so popular that it opened to the whole singapore.There was a proper well and a chinese kampong house in its area as well.I was pretty sync to see the kampong house interior.As always because of my luck...I was wearing these weird looking striped grey socks that I got on offer for $2.Just when I was wearing this socks..ppl had to see them.Whatever....then..we went to a crocodile farm.It was a pretty new and interesting thing to me.Never really saw a crocodile up close before..so ya..we also saw its feeding time aka tea break.Whats on the menu?-raw chicken head.....eeeEwww....miss tey later asked us 'real chicken??'..I am like...double Eeeew...then we went to see a about to demolish charcoal warehouse.Learnt from the guide that it was gona be torn down soon as it couldn't be put to much use anymore due to the decline of charcoal sales.It was darn hot and all the furniture was practically ancient.We went to the back where there was a river and behind the river was puggol.Learnt from the guide that punggol was actually where the very first malay kampong was.Wow.We then went to a japanese cemetary.I liked the environment there.Peaceful.Clean and green.Quite pretty too.Learnt that jap civilians and jap soldiers that died during WW2 was buried there.There were over 10000 jap soldiers remains there. Next we drove through tampines and arrived at downtown east where we had our lunch.Buffet to be exact.Had to admit..the surroundings was totally unexpected.I had envisioned a cramp old canteen with those kindergarten chairs and tables and placed on those tables were mini plates of nuggets and fried bee hoon...boy was I ever wrong.We stepped into this carpeted room with 5 round tables that had blue table clothed.Air-conditioned!!Me,kai ting,yanni,pauline,joey,pamela and 2 sec 1 gals praked ourselves at the table closest to the buffet table.Haha.I had 2 servings while pauline and yanni had around 3 to 4 servings.Oh man.Atmosphere so nice and peace.Oh plus the air condition after hanging outdoors for the entire morning was pure bliss.I had hoped that we could go to pasir ris park but we didn't have the time.So after everyone was full and well fed we headed back to school.The first drops of rain was sighted after we had board the bus.Whew...just right.So overall the tour was pretty fab.Shu Chen wasn't feeling well though and she went home after the temple.Ah too bad.
well
till then
me

*Mache=Diet's off*

Just back from Mache AGAIN.My aunt won 4-D AGAIN so she decided to treat us to mache AGAIN.I could even guess correctly.When my mom informed me...I was like...'letme guess...aunt cazel won 4D again?'.'Ya..2500.'Actually I was quite surprise that my guess was right.Not that there's anything wrong in going there.But.....EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME WE GO THERE...MY DIET IS RUIN.TOTALLY OFF.*sobbing hysterically*Jk.So.....of course....after dinner my stomach was like the popping out noticingly and uncomfortably might I add.So much for my diet.
Went to see a couple of lambourghini parked for display.Everyone is ooing and ahhing..tracing the hood..peering in to see the interior and of course taking just about a million pics.Was forced to posed and smile over and over again.I felt like one of those models that you see in those motorshows..cept that people actually want to look at them while I'm just there to fill the space.Ah well...I can still keep hoping.ANYWAYS...enough about me although I KNOW that you guys would LOVE to know more about me.[hahaha].After about half an hour worth of oogling we finally left the building.Bro was being a grump coz he couldn't go see the motorshow.*whiny voice on* So when we were in the car...he went to block all the air con...I was like sweating like mad...but when someone is being an ass...they make no sense..thus theres no point in arguing with him.Then.....he went to on the damn air con on high.And asked me 'I thought you like coldness??'.I was like "fuk u" in my mind.But I didn't want to waste my energy on him so I just shut my eyes and went for a nap.In the end...he cannot stand it and on it back to small.VICTORY IS MINE!!
SO ya...
well till then
me

its all in my head

Just came back from Changi Airport with my family.It was a pretty much a waste of my time and my dad's money when we ate at Crystal Jade Resturant.With my nose stuffed with whoknowswhat I couldn't breathe and take in a single scent.The only taste I tasted was probably chilli.I had already warn my parents that no matter what we ate today..everything to me will be like plain water or rice.In the end we still land up in the resturant.I have heard of the saying 'gals are meant to be seen but not heard' .This is such a prime example.ALTHOUGH I don't think theres anything to see in me.
We went for a 'walk' and wound up the bookstore.I think I saved up to $14 by browsing through all those magazine.I could feel the cashier stare pointingly at me throughout the whole time though...all riled up about me having a free read.I was not in the least bit flustered by her glare of course.Typical kiasu attitude.We took the sky train to terminal 1 and went to another bookshop...my family..the adventure squad.Not that I mind going to another bookstore...but its a little ridiculous come to think of it.Ah well.
Spent the morning playing computer and watching senseless tv shows.Boring way to pass time.My brother's now annoying me with having the newspaper slapped against his thighs....how sick it that??????I mean where the hell does he gets this ideas from???PIAK..PIAK ..PIAK...argh...shut up already!~Sadistic ass + toot ass look.Mom persuaded him to go for a haircut to look decent.Smart.I mean ya..he is toot...but there is no need to look the part.But he doesn't want to.I am utterly bewilered.Why would anyone purposely look like a mush-room head?????????I better stop.He's gona cry soon..haha..okok...jkjk.But he's really pissed off now.Since when was it wrong to tell the truth?I am confuse God.
Was surprise when I log in to MSN just now.Found out that elix use me and carmella word invention as her email.Haha.eli-xish-ness.What honour!What pride!Perheps someday...just maybe...it would land up in the webster/oxford or whatever dictionary...haha...I can even provide the meaning now.Eli-xish-ness:to describe someone vain or proud acts or someone being vain..or the hokkien might put it...buay hiao bai!Not bad eh....*smirks*I am sooo totally crapping here.Nothing impressive here yanni.Lols.JK.
well..
till then
me

visit to the doc

I almost laughed out loud when I saw the size of my tagboard in this new blogskin.I just found the picture so endearing that I just couldn't resist.So...happy scrolling people.LolS~
Haven't been feeling well this past couple of days.Dad accompanied me to the doc yesterday night.Once again he acted all macho and smart.He stands in the corner,arms crossed and legs crossed.And always claims that it must be the weather in singapore and the doc would uncomfortably agree...'well..partly..but..'and it causes him to go on and on nonsensibly about some lame theory to prove to my dad that he is competent in his job.Than my dad would put on the professor voice...and ask the doc...'So...doc what do you suggest that she take?Hm...can we give her the antibiotic to cure her cough?and he drones on and on.There I was impatiently looking at the clock........my heart wrench at the thought of missing one episode of 'the champions'.Then my dad have to reveal that I had asthma when I was young...hoping to gain sympathy from the doc...by then I was already so darn embarrased..who wouldn't..esp when ur dad has spilled out your sick habits...such as using up rolls of toilet paper in a day..how I can't stop blowing..how my nose can't stop running...I was like.....'Daddddd...you don't need to spill out my life's secrets to him.........'And of course all this prolong the whole consultation time...in which makes me miss out 'the champion'.My dad like me...tends to be a little dramatic at times..like me using up to roll[S] of toilet paper....sheesh....I was starting to show my impatience...soo...my dad gives a lame excuse saying that I am probably sick of eating medicine trying to score some more sympathy points with the doc.Arghhhhhhh.........all I could think then was...my show!!!~
Went to bugis with wen yan,pei yun and wen ling on wednesday.Had quite a good time.Esp when we were having dinner at this place called 'Noosh".haha.A really longggg story.This is the kind of jokes in which you have to be there to find it funny.Spent around $45.Utterly broke after I surrendered the rest of my money to my mom..in which she thinks is technically hers.Bought a new pencil case at the wallet's shop.Its white...quite transparent..and has the words 'GIRLS ROCKS!' in pink.Really cool.I love it.Wen yan bought this enormous black pencil case..with the same words and all.Also very cool...I love the colour contrast.We also watched 'the princess diary 2'..which for me is the second time..ah well....never mind.We of course took pictures at bugis.I think it has become customery to take pics when you go out with your friends.We chose the latest one.The one which has a sofa in it.It costed $2 more.And in the end..when the pics came out...you can't really see the sofa...esp with 4 people in it.The machine also let us decorate as long as we want...resulting in wen yan and pei yun overdoing the pics...a mess of stars everywhere..in my opinion anyways...no wonder most machines gave us tme limit.Went home at around 8 plus..nearing 9.My mom wasn't really happy about it of course...but what done is done.
till then
me

my ice cream flavour!

Your Icecream Flavour is... Cookies 'n Cream!

Smooth and creamy with a few rough bits mixed in, you are a real treat! You are probably very popular amongst your friends. Remember too much of a good thing is not always good! Don't lay it on too thick!

What'>http://www.go-quiz.com/icecream/icecream-test.php">What is your Icecream Flavour?
Find out at Go'>http://www.go-quiz.com/">Go Quiz

Dont give a farting shit

Sometimes I really feel like telling the world...you know what..fuck off..don't bother me...
I don't give a farting shit about anything..whatever..but I can't...I don't have a choice..got to do what I have to do whether I like it or not...you don't have much of a choice when you want to achieve your 'dream' girl.This was what miss koh basically was trying to tell me when she pulled me aside after class today.I could only humbly nod back very seldom making eye contact with her.
Dreams.Pulease...just what are the odds of having your dreams true....I see my parents slogging their guts out everyday...doing what they have to do..not what they want to do.Miss koh tells me...if I weren't smart she won't be telling me all this crap...ya..if I was smart how come am I the one single out of the class..and then oym at the back..probably scoffing at me in his mind..well go the hell....
So what I have to do now is to start actually try to understand math...I got to buck up..or..bye bye Os..I got to understand it whether I like it or not..otherwise don't think of even going to jc,poly or even ite...sheesh...WHATEVER!!
till then
always me

plentIful emoTions

Watched 'Bridget Jones Diary' in the morning today.After watching,it struck to me how pathetic my life is.Namely my 'love' life.Its these kind of movies that make me feel good and warm at first after the couple has kiss but after the movie ends and the names appear I start to reflect...and then thats when I feel depressed.Icompare the movie with my life...and in order not to get anymore depress I remind yourself its just a movie.MOVIE.Just a fictional movie.Didn't feel much better.But the movie was good.The funniest part must be when the two men had the fight..haha..and when bridget narrates the thoughts in her head.
I kept yawning throughtout the entire afternoon despite having slept for more than 8 hours.I just felt so tired.My mom said it was because I had slept too much.Doesn't make much sense to me.You sleep too lil you get tired.You sleep more and you also get tired.HMmmMM...Played the computer about an hour plus when mom comes back from work and brings me to compass point.Saw quite alot of people from my school.Most of then didn't see me though..haha.
Went back and dad brought me to borders!!!!!!!!!!!So happy.Found out from him that my handphone repair shop in wheelock place so I shun bian go borders!I went in and sniff hard...ahhhhh...the smell of books!I spent around an hour and when my dad saw that I had 2 books in my hand he said don't tell me you come all the way here ..only buy 3 books??I was like..you mean I can buy more?So off I went.And came back with another book.I couldn't find another book that I had eyed in mph the other day!!Ah well..
Wana apologise to char for cancelling our bowling appointment..lolS..me such a piggy.Cna't be helped.And oh ya..announce that CARMELLA WATCHES PLAYHOUSE DISNEY WITH HER BRO!!haha....jkjk.
till then
me

go karting

I need chocolate.desperately.really really.I mean I am supposed to be on a diet and all....but after watching a show entirely chocolate on discovery channel...1 can't help but think about it.It has been in my head for 2 whole days.hopeless.
Have been reading angela's ashes by frank mccourt..really good book.Love his writing style.Love it so much I keep thinking thoughts in my head in the same style.Scary,in a good way.
Went to malaysia today.Dad wanted to inroduce to us the thrills and frills of go-karting.I was really nervous at first.I have the image of me crashing,colliding with other people-in short making a fool of myself.My bro went first..and he did so ever so slowly..haha..so slow even my dad could take pics of him go karting AND the pictures were CLEAR...hahaha...he couldn't believe it..till now.I was doing a fine job...when suddenly....I swerve a little and my kart wheel hit the wheel of another go karter who was trying to over take me.He glared at me as if it was entirely my fault and I mouthed sorry[though I doubt he could see it,seeing that my helmet was blocking my mouth and all]anyways..I tried to move but it but couldn't of course.THIS HAD TO HAPPEN....sheesh...
So I walked back like a fool..with the gigantic stupid balck helmet on..head down...a broken woman...pride stepped on..trodden on..kicked..smashed... bulldozered...trashed..and what made things worse..WAS.....[drumroll pls...].......I COULDN'T GET MY FREAKING HELMET OFF!....no I am just joking.But overall it was really fun.Being in total control of something..and the accelaration..whEeee.....and when you turn around a bend..your whole body swing to one side and really..just like a mini roller coaster..great fun.
well
till then
me

east coast

Went to East Coast Park today with wy,ky and miss lim.

Rode from practically one end to the other for 1 and a half hour.

Butt seriously hurt.Even my pad didn't help me.[dun mind my straight forwardness].

Couldn't walk properly for the next half hour.I think I am permenantly damaged down there..haha...JK!!~

Weather was good comapared to the rainy days we have been having the past few days and people weren't all that many.Perfect.

Was hoping for a tan...got red instead.Asked dad later whether I had darken..he said no.

Such disppointment.Considering that he IS my DAD afterall, he could have at least tried to lie for his only daughter...

Wy me and ky were feeling pretty ashamed of ourselves.Miss lim manage to out-cycle,out-climb and out-walk us.

We are so out of shape.Imagine...a 20 plus..30 plus woman beating 3 young,fresh,hip,cool teenagers ..haha..couldn't believe it ourselves.

Went to the underpass,me and ky stumbled down the stairs like drunken siao kia.

It seems like we have lost control of our legs.

Went to Miss lim church.Ah..finally air condition...but we couldn't sit till about 20 mins later.

My feet ache like hell.Sat on the chair for around and hour plus..butt hurt like hell again.

Many people cried after session.Was pretty surprise at the people erm..'devotion'.

Went to parkway parade with family.Bought a book,a cd and a tee shirt.whEe..

till then

me

out,lost and found

Hello World.
Been out these couple of days.You heard me.OUT.Went bowling with Charmaine,Rachel and Hui Min yesterday.And it typically rained when we stepped out of our house.All we wanted was a simple fun game of bowling.But when it was on my third turn the alley had a blackout.Just when my ball hit the pins.Rachel felt that the cause of the blackout was due to my horrible bowling skills.Dots.We waited like fools in the dark for pratically 20 mins when the man in charge told us we had to pay first before they would let on the electricity again.There were of course some people who were pissed with the idea and sturbornly refused to pay up.Some upped and left the alley.Never had the alley suffered from the blackout..it had to happen when we were there.So...we decided to fill our stomachs with some chow first before coming back again.What we didn't expect was me losing my wallet which had around 80 freaking bucks in it.I was in shock.I kept running the lines of 'wtf will my dad do to me if he finds out' in my head.Driving my paranoid.Me and Charmaine then ran back to the alley in the rain and we were about to give up when I decided to ask some monfort boys who were in the lane next to us whether they had seen the wallet.Miracously they had saw and kept it.I was so damn grateful when the guy handed over me the wallet.Rachel couldn't believe monfort boys were so honest and me and char couldn't help laughing when we imagine rachel reaction.Because throughout the time in the alley..rachel was there 'suaning' them and all.Hui Min came and we played the second game.I deproved immensely.From a 72 I went down to a 40 plus.Ah well..heyyy..it was like my fifth time..what ya expect..lols.We went back to heartland mall and took some pics.Of course we warned and threatened rachel beforehand NOT and NEVER to colour the background pink And put stupid Crowns on our heads.Lols.Under careful survelience the pics came out pinklessness.Whee.lols.overall the day was pretty eventful.
till then
me.
ps:i pierced my ears le!!hehe...tell you all about it tml..

Bloody bored

helLo feLloW earthLings...
Feeling bloody bored at home.I would soon resort to carving on my flesh if I don't do anything soon and it certainly would be bloody.B O O R R I I I N N G G!!!I guess I have gotten over being in E3 and all.My mind have now shifted into neutral gear where everything seems boring,the same well... basically bleh.Chatted with Elix on msn yesterday we mused in the end that if carmella was there as well it would be major girl talk time.Lols.
Read 'the dating game' today.Nice enough to occupy your time and all.Anyone know any new fresh websites that can occupy your time?No chinese websites please.Won't bloody understand what they talking.
till then
me

no choice

heLlo pLaNeT eArTh,
It seems like I needn't had to make anymore choices yesterday.There wasn't anymore.Mr Yong convinced my mom that E3 was the right choice for me and that was it.I look at the class list and realised just how many of my friends were going to E5.I shall miss them sooooo very much.I felt so stupid for only mangaging to enter E3.I was even more sullen than my mom after the meeting,in fact she was the one consoling me on how suitable E3 was actually for me.I should be happy.HAPPY.But I was not.Not exactly.I felt a little bitter and regretful.Almost all my closest friends were in E5.Bao Hui,Elix,Shu Chen,Wen Yan and Kaiting.Regina got stuck in E4.There was only Kah Yuen left with me.Oh and OYM.*pukes*.
Relatives asked me how I done and I said 'okay lor'.My results has always been 'okay lor'.I am so sick of seeing the looks on people faces.I don't need any pity.Argh...
Actually there was another thing that made me upset.But its a secret.Haven't told a single soul and don't bother asking me what is it.Went to compass point after the meeting and had mos burger.Then went to heartland mall where I hung out in sans bookstore while my mom visits her friends.Was feeling pretty glum the entire day.
Yan Shan went to E4.So much for believing we would reunite in Sec3.After chatting yesterday,we came to the conclusion why we couldn't be in the same class.She told me that she put E4 in first choice coz she thought I wanted to go there,while I put E3 in sencond choice coz I thought she wanted to go there.So we ended up in each other 'dream' classes.How twisted.
Suppose to go for a debate thingy.But I got the timing wrong and couldn't make it in time for it.Amirah sms me later and told me she couldn't go either.Just as well.
till then
me

confusedddd

hello world.

Feeling very confuse now.Major nail biting involved.I have never been good at making decisions.Now I am making one that could altar my entire life course.[dramatics again..heheS].Seriously,I am stumped.E3 or E4?E3 or E4?!E3 or E4?!!

Now I wish Regina hadn't told me which class I am in.I won't be feeling so confuse now.My mom's so worried that I might make the wrong decision that she is coming home early from work.She almost never cut short work.Shows how much she trust me.*shrugs*.

I should be happy.Being able to scrape into a A math class and all.But being the greedy human beings that we are...I want more now.Sure I did like to tell people that I got into the second best class...but come on..can I cope.I should be happy I got into E3.Getting into there is like a minor 1g(03) renuion.So why am I doubting my choice?Perhaps its the thought of being in the same class as fucking shit oym for another 2yrs that make me have doubts.But pls..he can't possible play such a big part in this.So whats my problem????

Hm...I am speaking as if I could go to E4 if I appeal.Maybe I should just stick to God's decision and go to E3 without any qualms.Then again...???Argh...

till then

me

abseil n such

Dear Fwen,
Had a pretty rough and hot day.I will never prance around in the damn school compound in a pair of jeans again.I felt so restrained around my legs...so anyways..lol..this entry is getting pretty stupid.Well..the secondary 2 express were doing abseiling today and I was so surprise when I heard that we would abseiling in our school.Sigh..I was hoping that I could get out of school.Oh well.We waited for AGES.The first person abseiled down at 9 plus am..the last person around 2pm.Imagine what happened in between.We did several cheers.Sang songs.Move our butts around.Just about anything to lift our spirits up.I guess I could say 2i was the loudest class out of all.We were all getting pretty impatient.Hais.
I had absoulute style when I abseiled...letme tell ya...crashed here and there..kicked the poster till it was out of shape..and basically I did everything NOT to do while abseiling.Ah well.muddle head me as usual.
Had 'DeepaRaya' rehersal today.[sheesh..u;d think with so many teachers on board they would think of a much more creative and less lame idea].It was boring .......argh..wish I wasn't involved.regrets seriously.
well till then
me

some quality family time

Dear Fwen,
My whole family is watching some slimming programme show on tv and they are driving me nuts,esp my mom.Whenever this programme comes on they constantly remind me that I would sure gain weight during the hols and that I seem to have gain weight recently and that I should really watch what I eat AND I should go sign up for some holiday programme so that I won't be on my butt for 2 whole months..I could still go on but I don't want to drive you guys nuts too.nag nag nag.yes mom..I would try...and dad pls stop telling me to do something productive during the hols.blah blah blah.My brother is sniggering at the background.Some family.Not quite the family 'quality' time I had envisioned.You'd think that they would show some sympathy because of my feet...but noooo...[I am such a spoiled brat huh...whatever!!...lols].
Hobbled around my house the entire day while my maid laughed at the ugly way I was walking.The gods are so against me.Can't wait to go to school tomorrow.Lazing around at home is good...for 6 hrs max...but I would seriously go crazy if I do this everyday.Just lying on my bed like a corpse..occasionally breathing..and when I feel like really really energized I change positions.
My brain is really weird.While normal people's brain work during the day,mine only work while I sleep.I was able to remember every detail of my dream yesterday AND I could even remember what I wore in my dream and it was the exact same thing that I was wearing in real life.I NEVER remember what I am wearing much less actually visualising the clothes that I am wearing in real life.So when I woke up this morning I felt like I hadn't really slept the 10hrs that I had.My back actually ached and so did my right shoulder.Gosh..I felt so old.How in the world can I put my brain back to place...shucks.
well
till then
me

Dear Fwen,
Had inter-class competition today ...and well...it didn't end the way we wanted to.Before the competition we were wondering about the situation regarding our lack of substitutes..so we were like 'aiyah it won't really affect us one la..i mean we always play also don't have alot of injuries..chances very slim la.'2 hrs later...ky had a slight sprain ankle..me and regina had 3 torn skins between us and wy had blisters..shu chen was just pure exhausted and pissed off.I was pretty pissed-off too.We could have soooooo won.They kept miniusing our goals and basically the judges was biased and prejudiced.*stupid wadeva hao la*
We were in the finals with 2c and by the halftime we were supposedly leading 8:6 or 5...then they announced that it was 8:7.We qsted why it was suddenly changed and they say change to 7:6 lor.Whats the freaking difference????????????????I was like freaking mad..but didn't want people to think that I was a sore loser[in that case we were winners by the way]..so I gave up ..argh.
So many marks were taken from us in the second half just because after ky had the ball in her hands she jumped off the bench.*curses*.Well...we lost to a point in the end due to grace brillance.lol.but she was really great.Grace ar..was soo concentrated on the game she managed to ignore the pain in her feet..it was like in much worse conditions than us.So me,ky and her took a taxi home.wahahas.
*sigh* and because of my feet and re feet..the trip to the beach tml is cancelled.damnit.I wonder if I still can abseil.What timing.
till then
me

sdsad

Dear Fwen,
I am slowly getting over my dismal results for math.I'm at charmaine house at the moment.Both of us are bored with tears.Came over to escape my brother only to meet yet another annoying counterpart..charmaine brother marcus.AND my brother is coming HERE.oh why can I never escape from my brother's evil clutches?*sobs miserably and helplessly*...
Watched 'Love Actually' once more with charmaine just now over at my house and we pigged out too.Will never tire that movie.
Nothing to report really.Hais.......................maybe there will more stuff to add later

222

There is such a thing as too much time....
Too much space.....
Too much freedom.
Eventually the heart grows lonely,
Longing for a companion to share the empty nights with,
And to laugh away the voids of days.
But when you're the reason you're alone...
There can be no laughter...
Can be no love or smile or piece of mind.

At first it all seems like a dream,
A joyous escape from the claws,
But it soon grows tired and empty and boring,
And you begin to feel lost.
You grow weak at the knees,
Spaced in the mind,
Broken in the soul.
You sit in pure silence for your eternity,
The only thoughts enveloping you...
They tell you who's to blame.
And they're right...you brought it all on yourself.
You deserve the suffering,
you welcomed it to begin with.
Your fault.

But now what?
You can't say it's freedom because that's a lie.
You can't say it's what i need because you don't believe that.
You can't say it's ok because it's not.
You can't say i'm winning...no one can win alone.
You can't say anything.
Not to me.
Not now....i'm unworthy to you.
And i understand that.

We both needed time to heal,
And forget,
And to move on,
And to learn once more...
How to love.
But there is such a thing as too much time....
Too much space.....
Too much freedom.
I need to be pulled back into the claws,
It's a void out here....
Everything's too far off...
Too empty...
Too....

Spaced.... ... .. . .

fucked up

Dear Fwen,
Got our results back today.Fucking miserable to say the least.Tears were constantly sighted but amazingly I didn't break down.I don't know whether because I was already mentally prepared for it or because my heart was already just plain numb.I just felt...nothing.I mean sure I felt upset..but it was like it hasn't hit me yet..till now..not yet.The number - will probably haunt me forever.Argh!!I really don't know how in the world I am going to tell my mum that I got a - for math.Oh god.Just thinking about it makes me sick.Went to Rm after school and everyone was so depressed.I was like 'whats the point of crying over it..aint going to change nothing'.Is obtaining grades all to life???Who cares about what grades you get when you are finding a job.Is your freaking boss going to look at your sec 2 and 3 reccord????People wake up.Look at the trees..look at the sky..take a moment out of your selfish life to think about others much worse off then you...appreciate that we are able to live in peace..for godsakes snap out of it people.I am going crazy.Maybe I am trying to make myself feel better that grades don't matter.They do?..oh I don't know...Miss Koh describe our math marks as disgusting..I felt pretty hurt as I felt that the comment was probably shot at me.Disgusting eh..well I am disgusted at my stupidity thats for sure.I am like fucking pissed and miserable right now but can I show it to my friends..no.The friggin ironic thing is I am comforting people who got higher marks than me..that they would make it...............fucked up.the whole system is so wrong.I was going mad inside my head.I was visualizing myself thrwoing chairs around...shoving tables away and screaming at my friends who thinks its the end of the world for them.I did nothing of that sort in real life.I just shut up as many told me to do so.So there they were crying their hearts out..and making me feel worse...but I have to comfort them.No offense people..just mad at the world now..sorry if I pissed you off.Just stating what I feel...whether you like it or not.Slefish thoughts..yes..but whatever.I don't give a damn right now.But I am mad at myself the most.Disappointed hardly describe how I feel now about myself.*flips math off*
bye.

Shit

Dear Fwen,
I can feel it in my bones to the very depth of my stoned heart.Its time for me to wake up and face the cruel reality we live in.You guessed right,my math paper 2 is done and over with.Done badly.Right now I am trying to mentally prepare myself at the thought of going to e2 next year.Its terribly difficult though.I am so mad at myself for I know this has been all of my undoing.The results have not been posted up yet..but my intuition tells me I am probably not going to make it.When the teacher said 'times up' it was time for me to wake up.I got out of the class unclear of my surroundings.My friends were all busyily discussing theirs answers while I don't even have any answers to discuss.*laughs bitterly*.I saw yan shan and we immediately went hysterical.We decided to hang out together just the two of us to drown our sorrows.We went to Compass Point and basically talked for four hours straight there.I think I lost the feeling in my butt after the first two hours.Our talk had a cycle.We would be all so depressing and then suddenly got joke ..we would laugh..and then our laughter would slowly fade away as it gave way to sadness once more.Sigh.I think it was my first time that I hung around there for so long.Came home and it was raining.Perfect weather for my perfect mood.
till then
me
Living in a nightmare with never ending sleep.

xams

Heyy~
U are now looking at a survivor whom had completed 8 mind excruciating papers.Ok Cass..being a lil dramatic here.Hey..whatever.My math paper 1 went badly.Flunked it.Had minor breakdown after the paper.I have lost 15 marks because my mind couldn't freaking function faster.1 stinking hour.No time for regrets now,but I can't help feeling this way.I kept thinking..this was it,now or never.I can probably kiss bye bye in going to a A math class for the next two years now.English paper 2 was okay I guess.I actually quite enjoyed the first passage on Singapore Idol.The summary was surprisingly easy [I usually stunk at summaries].Chinese paper ...ewww...history was plain tiring.My hand was permenantly damage after it.I regretted spending too much time on the source based qst.Geography was okay..could have been a whole lot easier if I had actually studied for it..but some dumbass smart alec thinks that putting science and geo together on the same day was good because what??they were about things around us.Argh.Too much facts for me.Science was quite hard.Would be very happy if I can manage to get a b3.This week is like a freedom depriving week or something.I am so envious of other schools students..exams all over.I am like the only idiot on the bus with her nose stuck in a book in order to cramp.My eyelids are drooping now.Pretty tired.I spent the entire afternoon today reading 'Angels and Demons' by dan brown.Another Robert langdon adventure.I was on at it till dinner.Went to compass point with elix.wenyan and kaiting.Had an okay time.We compared our geo and sci mcq ans and I really think I am gona flunk my science as well.GReat...two of the most important subjects and I suck at them.I am so not a science person.Sighs.I guess you guys must be getting pretty sick of all this exam talk..ah well..cant help myself..exams is all that I am thinking now..cept when I was reading the book..lols.
kks..cya
till then,
me

wadeva

Dear Fwen,
Feeling bored now-extremely.I probably should ..ya know..erm..study..ya..like I would do that.Today went by pretty quickly in school.Surprisingly quite stress free despite nearing our exams.Chinese was like free time.Math was a little frustrating cause we had to draw curve graphs using free hand.Mine was horrid by the way.Science was pretty funny.English rocked because we spent the entire period in the library!~
More and more discovering yong ming friendster account.Everyone is wondering who is the creater though.Lols.I would say it was a pretty smart trick.*winks*. Kinda sick of isketch now.As usual I overplayed it and has exhausted it.*sighs*.Even this entry is boring.everything is boring!!I wish we could just get freaking over the exams.I particularly hate this period of time.Feeling guilty when you are doing anything else except when you are studying.sheesh.give me a break will ya god.Just stuffed myself with Macdonalds despite my alarming weight.lols.hais.what to do.couldn't stop myself as usual.I pretty much hate myself now.lazy,stupid,fat and undiscipline.lols.aw shucks..what the hell..you have only 1 life.Eat and slack it!
well till then
me.

shadowed

Dear Fwen,
Having a splitting headache-again!I think I woke up too early today.Had cme exam.People only panicked around 3 mins before the exam..haha..such a sight..definately last minute cramming.lols.I guess it was pretty much general knowledge luckily for us otherwise people will think 2i got no morals.lols.Finished wayy before the 1h given to us.Had "sexuality talk" yesterday..I know I know..not one of those again you might be thinking.It was okay I guess..learnt some interesting facts abt 'man' and woman.Guys were acting their usual immature self.Guys will NEVER grow up and thats a fact.No need scientific proof..just use your eyes can le.Stayed back for math yesterday and I can truthfully say,miss koh is crazy.GILA.It was pretty funny at first but we soon got her message.Actually want to thank her.The guys were so noisy yesterday it was getting on my nerves.Kept on teasing shuan and basically making a fool out of themselves.I feel that teachers nowadays are so full of themselves.In a funny and erxin way.haha.Mrs Shahul thinks shes cute,mrs seng thinks we want to look at her and miss koh thinks jervis has a crush on her.haha.A crazy lot..all of them.6 more days to exams but I am still here.lol.couldnt resist it.I think I am getting use to yanni eccentric ways.haha.JK!!~*dun hit meeee*.Well,went to check out yong ming friendster...and I tell ya....people are so damn straight forward sia.haha.but those testis were funny.damn funny..in a mean way.ah well.I actually tried writing one mean one myself but I couldn't do it la.I cancelled it in the end.weak eh.ending off with the note:GUYS ARE JERKS!
till then
me

ps:can u believe it..someone actually tinks sandra is sweet.!!!!whats e world coming to.ah well.

till..

Dear Fwen,
I guess this would be my last entry till my exams are over.I feel like a mute now,I am literally a mute actually.My voice is gone..I can't even crack out what I want to say.I hope to get my voice back soon.I miss talking.Tomorrow will be my first streaming exam.The exam that helps me decide which class is should go to for the next 2 years.It hasn't hit me yet.Gosh.I really got nothing much to say now.
till then
me

blegh

Heyya.
Just felt like writing suddenly though I really have nothing much to say as usual.The condition of my voice has worsened if that's possible and now I can hardly speak.I can see the strain in people's eyes when I speak to them.Thats how bad I sound.Maybe its good that I can't really speak,it helps me hear more clearly.As the saying goes,god gave us 2 ears but only 1 mouth so we can listen more than we talk or whatever the meaning about the same.I had envisioned myself to be sitting in the theater now laughing over white chicks but my illness had prevented that vision from coming true.Instead I am sitting in front of my computer writing to no one in particular.My eyes feel very tired now and I am now typing without actually seeing and amazingly I dont make any mistakes.Today was okay I guess.Went to school around 8 plus and came home around 4.Went to bathe and straight away my tuition teacher came.This is such a boring entry.Argh.I am basically typing whatever that comes to my mind.Hais.Exams coming le..monday to be precise.Waiting in anticipation..oops...wait...thats suppose to be oym line.I am afraid that I might feel well enough on monday to take the exam though.*sighs*.and to make things more uncomfortable for me..my period came.damn it.Life simply hates me.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

bRokEneD

Dear Fwen,
Heyyyy....long time no write..hm I spot a few changes here.Anyways,right now I really feel like throwing down my shoe at the pasar malam vendor who keeps playing the stupid freaking alphabet song and old macdonald had a farm song!!!!!!!!!!!Omg!!!!I tell ya...it has been at the edge of my nerves..tittering.....you'd think I would relieve those days of innocence and childhood..blah blah blah...ya right!~.Argh...*bangs head on wall repeatedly*.Quite weird though..having a pasar malam literally at your doorstep.Have to get use it I guess.Exams are coming..nothing new..exam has been coming since jan 2.Sighs.I feel very tired..woke up this morning and my body felt so old...I wanted to collaspe back into my bad again but of course I can't.I overslept so badly I had to take a taxi to school...just like the other 3 days in this week.Lolx.Couldn't help myself.HeheZ.Someone stolen my 8 dollars yesterday.Just when I needed the money for something important in addition to just filling up my stomach.I feel very lucky though..why??....cause the pa jiao thief never see my 7610 hp which was with my wallet!!hahaha.But I guess Denise luck wasn't as good as mine..hp and money taken away..then richard lost 20 dollars.HaisS...can't even trust people in my own school...dotZz..and they say singapore is safe..ka pui.Anyways...haven't been feeling well this past few days.Sore throat,cough,flu...you name it i got it..and now my voice sounds like it has been broken..not only broken..cracked...scratched...bleghs....hais..my beautiful melodious harmonious voice...GONE!...lol..being 'elixish'...jkjk.Had friedrich performance yesterday and I was like..shit!!!Of all times...it HAD to happen before an important performance....that is SO LIFE.I just can't get use to the way life works.argh.
cheerious.
ps:wish me luck tt the friggin machine tt is playin those friggin songs suddenly explodes or something..just....shut up......
till then
yours truly
me.haha.

BLUE!

Dear Fwen,
These two days has been BOORING....NOT!!Not when I went to catch the best of blue concert on friday night!!It was fantastic to say the least.I don't know how in the world am I going to fill the contents of that concert in a mere entry.Ok..I will try.We reached there around 715 and joined the queue to the premier entrance.The line was moving pretty fast.We were seated at our seats at 730.Row 16.Of course it was not close enough for us la.So we were saying once the concert starts we are gona move up front.8pm and derek mcdonald came he sang a few songs to get the crowd riled up and we were all ready and excited for blue so when he went off we thought that blue was going to be up immediately.Oh no...they decided to torture us further...840 came around and.........blue finally appeared!!!!!!Omg!!Everyone went crazy or something.We rushed forward but the ushers pushed us back...dotZ..then my bro went missing but we soon found him and we went back to the front.We were like..less than 1m away from them!!!!!Danggg...I couldn't believe it.I kept thinking...this is actually blue..BLUE!!Lee was soooo damn cute...and thats a understatement.Lets list the amt of interestin stuff that happened.
1)Lee took off his pants and showed us his underwear!!He even shaked his butt!!!!!!!!!!Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!~ *nose bleeds*.
2)I held simon's arm!! It was.....sweaty..haha...he was so cool.
3)I grazed lee's hands!!!!i wished my fingers was longer..but never mind!
4)Lee danced with a fake toy and did some dirty moves on it..haha...
5)A very lucky girl from north london got to get on stage and kissed all 4 guys and hug them..she even gt a birthday song from them...!!!We were are sooooo goddamn jealous.
6)A gal frm hongkong gt a kiss from duncan becoz she said she couldnt live wifout his kiss.
There were so much more really....ahhh..the whole night will be implanted in my mind forever!!!!Lols.My dad said that he could hear us screaming from the outside..lols..I screamed till my throat went dry.I took soo much video footage that my phone actually went out of space.And half of the video was in darkness ..the sound effects at the back were scary though..haha..anyone wans any sound effects of women screaming their lungs off come find me.Anyways I just wana say...I touch lee's hand.
I touched lee's hand..
I just can't believe it.*shakes head in disbelief*
till then
me

Your element is Shadow: Indifferent, unusual,
gentle and a complete mystery. No one tends to
know quite what to think of you because you
camouflage your emotions so incredibly well,
almost as well as your thoughts. You are
unpredictable in that no one knows exactly what
your going to do or what your capable of and
you've made sure they never will. You are quite
the wallflower but deep down inside is a kind
and very intelligent person. You are capable of
love but unless you let some light into your
shadowed life you'll have a hard time with your
relationships. People are a mystery only
because they all seem too superficial, you
would rather be somewhere else, away from all
the noise perhaps putting your feelings into a
form of art, maybe writing your feelings into a
poem or journal, or perhaps painting a picture.
The shadows make you feel comfortable and you
don't like to step outside your comfort zone or
let anyone else in, the spotlight terrifies
you. You are truly a mystery.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by

whatever

Dear Fwen,
Exactly 5 days have passed since I last written to you.5 days might not sound like a very long time to do much of anything but many many many things have happened and many things were revealed to me.I tell you...one of these days,just by keeping so many freaking secrets is going to kill me..and not one of them is about me.Yan Shan told me that she envied me just now.I was thinking ..whats there to envy?? [well...aside from e fact I going to catch blue la..but nothing else much.]..so I was like..??She said I SEEMED so carefree...note...I only SEEMED carefree but I am actually not.Had a gossip session on wednesday with some of friends and it felt good!Haha..bitching about people..sharing rumours...ahhhh....We sat in a circle..and of all places..we sat on the stage..lols...now hows that for special.We actually planned to have our friedrich rehersals..but we just can't be bothered.On monday we played soccer instead of rehersing,on tuesday we used ah yeo computer to surf the net and on thursday we just gave up the idea of us ever on having a proper rehersal.Some of my friends have been pretty down lately and at such an untimely hour.Just when our end of yr exams are approachingall these friggin stupid problems prop up.*sighs*.Recieved my english ST test and math ST test on monday...scoring a 10 for both.haha.I seemed to be very associated with the number 10.Index 10,live on 10 floor,brother index also 10..and now this.I was okay with my math marks..hey...at least I got a double digit for this time.English was done pretty badly.Out of 41 pupils only 7 passed in my class.I passed but just barely.Wednesday,I had an encounter with my school very own fucking bitch.Hope you don't mind my language.I was caught with my shirt not tucked in..instead just folded in so she picked me up and well...literally tortured me for around 15 mins?Miserable excuse for living...damn her.obvously I am pissed la..so ya..bear with me.Hm...must think happy thoughts now.Gona catch blue in just a couple of hours!!!!!!!!!!!~Omg!!! I really can't believe I am actually going to see Lee in da flesh!!*spins and giggles delightfully*.....wheeee.......well till then..
me.

study study =peng

Dear Fwen,
Well....I have just finished 'studying' for my history test tomorrow and already I feel like my brain has really no more space to accomodate any more useless information that probably won't help me in the future..lol..blabbling away again..dotZ.Had a very very weird dream yesterday..as in this morning la..it was..weird..but I have to say..I have a very very imaginative mind sia..no its not anything dirty..just saw plenty of new sights and stuff..and it was just plain weird...I was so into this dream that I had a mild shock when my dad woke me up for chinese tuition..back to my boring reality again..*smiles dryly*..Going to watch 'dodgeball' later..haha...can't wait..heard that it is extremely hilarious.I guess 'the terminal' have to wait.Just 4 more days to blue!!!!!Omg..oodness..hehe..[nt suppose to say 'omg']..I haven't came up with an outfit worthy of lee though..*sighs*..maybe I should just wear my boardshorts and t-shirt and be damned with it..haha..just kidding.I finally satisfied my craving for sambal stingray yesterday!!Sooooooooooo delicious....ahhhh.....*rubs hugeeee stomach satisfyingly*....but there was no more sambal kangkong....*gives the shopowner the evil eye*..haha..no las...I guess I can live with that..cause I ended up eating my second favorite veggie which is tao gay..[howeva u spell it].So overall yesterday dinner was in the least bland.Argh just a few more hours and the stupid unimaginably deadly boring school week will start again...............the weekend passes so damn fast man.No one is online now..absoulutely no one..gosh..am I so pathetic as to having spend my sunday on the computer?????????Ahhhhhh...dang.oh well.Yesterday was even more tiring..I went to hougang mall to attend bible study at 1230 till 3plus.Then went to calla house to 'study' was outta there after about 45mins.Then I went home which was walking distance by the way..cleaned up and was outta there half an hour later when I finally managed to wake charmaine lim up..that girl power man..already 445 le and she was still snoozing away..dotZ..and in the end I had to wake her up..tsk tsk.And of course we were late for tuiton as usual..I think I had been on time for tuition was only about 4 or 5 times for the entire year..though I haven't managed to break the reccord from last year which was about 45 mins later.Too guai le..ahha..ya..rite...
so well..tts my freaking weekend..hope urs was better..till then
me