i find myself to be emboldened with the lack of the sense of myself to myself. when i allow myself to be carried away by what others cannot see nor hear, i allow myself to think my body has been carried along with it and in my consciousness, i no longer exist where my solid state once was at. and when i arrived at such a state, neither the heavy silence nor the lumbering motions which obstructs the light of the library could permeate what i've created. maybe that's why being alone is such a commodity to me. it's easier to vanish when you have no one else beside you holding you down to yourself.
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