and I swerve out of control
And I swear I waited and waited
I've got to get out of this hole.
But time is on your side, it's on your side now
Not pushing you down and all around
It's no cause for concern.
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I'm screaming underneath
-Amsterdam
These words makes my blood run cold, cause they are so true and yet, instead of comfort, I feel otherwise. Time used to be on my side, and it still is. But only the truly young and foolish can revel in that. I don't think I can be that anymore. (I don't mean this in an emo, I-just-want-to-kill-myself way cause life sucks but am actually thinking and looking at this at a very matter-of-fact manner with a bit of frustration. I very much so want to live.) The future is relentless in its pursuit and it's grip feels more real with every dreaded conversation on Uni I have with my parents. I thought my skills at avoiding topics I do not want to broach was commendable but they've proven me wrong. All I know and all I want for now is not to stick with choices that are safe and ordinary. I've made them my entire life and somehow, this time, I just want to do something different.
Aren't I positively cheery during this holiday season? All results of being sick for nearly a week with the only upside being on discovering more songs and ... regaining a new zest for wanting to get out of the house. Well, actually not so much but I shouldn't encourage the inner-hermit mindset in me. Next few weeks promises near consecutive meals of bbq food and near consecutive trips to the airport.
-Amsterdam
These words makes my blood run cold, cause they are so true and yet, instead of comfort, I feel otherwise. Time used to be on my side, and it still is. But only the truly young and foolish can revel in that. I don't think I can be that anymore. (I don't mean this in an emo, I-just-want-to-kill-myself way cause life sucks but am actually thinking and looking at this at a very matter-of-fact manner with a bit of frustration. I very much so want to live.) The future is relentless in its pursuit and it's grip feels more real with every dreaded conversation on Uni I have with my parents. I thought my skills at avoiding topics I do not want to broach was commendable but they've proven me wrong. All I know and all I want for now is not to stick with choices that are safe and ordinary. I've made them my entire life and somehow, this time, I just want to do something different.
Aren't I positively cheery during this holiday season? All results of being sick for nearly a week with the only upside being on discovering more songs and ... regaining a new zest for wanting to get out of the house. Well, actually not so much but I shouldn't encourage the inner-hermit mindset in me. Next few weeks promises near consecutive meals of bbq food and near consecutive trips to the airport.
No comments:
Post a Comment