cry

I feel like crying.
For the kids in africa whom I saw the other day in discovary channel for death to them is as normal as watching tv for us.
For the victims of the earthquake,floods and tidal waves and their family for their new found grief.
For my brother who was so angry at my dad he had sucidal thoughts.
And finally for myself.....
cause I can do nothing for all of these people.
All I can do is sit at the sidelines and price the pricing tags on my mom's clothes.I spent the entire of today doing just that.
This is one of those times when I wonder what the hell am I doing here on earth.They say everyone has a reason for living.What's mine?
Pricing my mom's clothes?Try everyday to convince my brother that digging his nose with all ten fingers is a disgusting habbit?Soothe out the rough edges of my parents relationship?Or...Hmm....go to school and study shit?
I wish I could be a doctor.So that I can fly over to africa and put things right for those kids.Sadly,I am just not the doctor material-in other words,I am no genius.So what can I be of use to those children if I go over there.What qualities do I have????Nada.Zilch.Nothing.
My self confidence and ego is at a all down low now.From what I have gathered today is
-My math result is a desperate case.
-My mom calls her own daughter fat(nothing new here)
-Sometimes you don't really have much of a choice.
-And your own destiny doesn't entirely lay in your hands.
Today hasn't really been all that great for me as you can see.
Sometimes I am angry at myself for all these self pity crap that I have for myself.Look at all those starving innocent kids in africa.They worry about whether they will be able to eat tommorow...whether they will get to see the sunrise the next day.While I....I worry whether I will be able to lose enough weight so that people can finally shut up...I worry about missing the next episode of the o.c.
Gawd...I am so selfish.Compared to those kids...I have everything......but yet....yet...I am still not happy.Why???
till then
me