paper thin lies

its 3am in the morning and i'm playing songs over and over again.
the silence unsettles me.

nobody said it was easy.
nobody said it would be this hard.
its such a shame for us to part.
i'll take you back to the start.

and i just realise the scientist by coldplay is a love song.

its a good time to be bloody melancholic and weep about my sad existence but i'm too warped up by nothing and i feel nothing.
life right now is just as it is.
i am glad.
kinda.

for once i'm not caught up in throes of tormenting thoughts in my wacked head and
there's nothing for me to ache over except that i have nothing to ache over.

either my days are too empty or they are so completely packed i don't even have time to comprehend how i'm feeling.
what happened to moderation?
oh yeah,the word got erased from the world's vocab list the moment i learnt the joys of eating.

i can't play screamy rocky songs by matchbook romance or the red jumpsuit apparatus cause i will have the rest of the household up in which they will chance upon a nutcase jumping about erractically and bopping her head wildly while mimicking to be the next travis barker.

did i get lost while i was gone?
i travelled space for much too long.

i'm not sure why this 2 lines get to me so much and i end up playing space travel by yellowcard again and again for this 2 lines.

i like being awake at this timing too much to start rescheduling the time i get tired and become truly awake.
i should be sleeping by 12,awake by 8 which i will then go for a morning jog,take a shower,read the bible and then have breakfast.
but i'm still living the unorthodox lifestyle (perhaps not to aspring branded eyebags carrier out there but to the rest of the world population) cause i like it.
too bad my body is kinda crumpling over it.

(my thoughts seems to run wild at this timing and i like it-being able to 'black and white' my thoughts and all.)
lol

the europe trip i was suppose to plan for and was hoping for has been crossed out by my dad not being able to take off days and my brother's insufferable attitude to travelling.
he feels its a waste of money to explore the world and to get a taste of different lifestyles when you can experience the same thing on a playstation 2.

which is why i'm going to CHINA with my mom and aunt instead.
it had to be CHINA.
but i guess it won't be all that bad.
i better be there to experience old china before the new technologised china completely takes over and rob its old charm of quaint villages and no toilet doors rule.

i'm off..
into nothingness.