paper thin lies

Warning:below is a long and pointless rant,benefitting no one but myself.So if you don't want to read it then don't.



I feel.....very sad and lost now.
Just....that.
Sad and lost.

I couldn't stand it.
The whole systematic way of running things.
Why can't we just do things the way we want to that will make us happy?
It won't bring about world war 3 if you didn't put THAT cup into the kitchen NOW right?
Why do we stress ourselves out with such trival matters of doing THIS NOW,having need to fulfill THAT TASK NOW.
We only have less than a hundred years to find moments of joy and happiness.
HELLO?????

My dad said I had a sucky attitude and scoffed at me being a Christian cause I sure don't seem like one.
He said that I should be ashamed that he's talking to me this way at 17 though my attitude sure don't seem like one.
How do I put it across to him that I'm only human and that only the strength and grace of God makes me 'christ-like'? and that sometimes I BLOW up cause I didn't seek that strength but just rely on myself to handle my emotions?
Or that because I'm a woman I'm NATURALLY more emotional????
ARGH.

I don't care if my brother reads this,cause I'm sorry for blowing up at him.
But he's the easiest one to blow up to.

I really dislike it when my dad say he couldn't see where my christian morals were.
That's like a slap right to my face.

Goodness,I'm like on the brink of crying now.

Well,I'm sorry for blowing up.
Sorry for being such an immature 17 year old.
Sorry for feeling frustrated or stressful.
Sorry for not being that perfect 17 year old christian but actually no one can be the perfect christian but I guess you can't understand this either.
Sorry that my room is in such a supposed mess but guess what? I actually like the mess,but I still make sure my desk is clean and clear all the time.
Sorry for my attitude though you should glad that I even have one.
Sorry that sometimes I actually like going home at night ALONE and sorry for voicing that out cause I should be appreciative of the car rides you give.
Sorry that sometimes I really feel like getting out of the house after everyone's asleep to be alone,to be emotional without having the need to hide cause you guys prolly won't understand why I would feel this way cause I should be christ-like.

Sorry that maybe I'm not really feeling sorry about all of these.




(con,will really appreciate it if you won't tell daddy all of these,cause as you know,parents just don't get it.all this unspoken teen angst.)